It's going to look like YOUR FACE.

Hey, real people have been commenting on this here thing. And I hadn't noticed. Ahoy there.

And I got my first insulting anonymous comment a few posts back, w00t.

Anyway, I has mostly been... worrying, because my marks this term have to be decent. And wondering if I ought to improve my idiosyncratic French, because I have just got to go and study some Upper Palaeolithic cave art in the flesh... paint... at some point.

Anyway, my rant of the day. I'm aware that we're having a global economic recession, sorry, "downturn" and that there are bigger issues out there, but this is my blog.

People who meet a tattooed individual, then trot out the cliche: "What's that going to look like when you're 80?"

Now, that doesn't annoy me because I've got tattoos. Nor does it annoy me on the behalf of others who do. The general response is a lighthearted "Fuck off, when I'm 80 I'll probably be in a wheelchair or dead; if a blobby tattoo is my biggest worry, my whole life is gonna be one giant party."

Of course, I'd say the same - but the topic, in all seriousness, is upsetting. I'm insulted, on the behalf of every 80-year-old in the country who finds themselves with another new physical disability every day, and every 80-year-old in the country who is in constant, debilitating pain.

The people asking that question are never, ever elderly themselves. And they're able-bodied enough to wander the streets being rude to people. They've never, ever considered what life might be like for the very old - they prefer to make jokes about their possible appearance.

Here's a classic case - my own grandfather, though something similar will happen to every one of us:

My grandfather can't walk any more. Because he had to have one leg amputated, an operation that had to happen under local anaesthetic, because a general anaesthetic would have killed him (yes, I realise that many women have caesarean sections under local - and that's just another type of bodily trauma that these appearance-obsessed people, who seem never to have encountered it, can ignore). He's blind in one eye, but has to lie with the working eye facing the wall because the appropriate side of his body gets too painful (he can't sit for long, for the same reason). He can't wash or dress himself, and has to use a catheter. Imagine how dignified that must make him feel.

So... in answer?

AWFUL. It's going to look awful. So, because tattoos start fading from the very beginning, I'm going to hide in a hole for the rest of my life, because my precious, precious looks are irreversibly damaged - because unattractive things and people shouldn't be seen in public. And when you're 80, and you still meet every stupid standard of beauty in the world and are also perfectly physically fit, because that seems to be what you're expecting, you can drop by my hermit-cave and laugh at me.

Edit: That's odd: I was thinking about tattoos and unconscious ageism, and don't have time to rant about the sexist vitriol directed at tattooed women - an awesome blogger read my mind and wrote one for me, today.

I am feminist fail?

I'm alive! My grandma drove me somewhere, and I'm alive (I just wish I was rich enough to own a car, so that she would never drive me anywhere ever ever ever ever ever ever again...).

I think she thinks that appropriate gears and speeds are for fascists, capitalists and/or the under-85s. Which she thinks are all the same thing. Like first and fourth gear, in fact.

Firstly, I have the most awesome tattoo ever in the history of the world ever.

I hope that's clear. I also hope it heals well.

I've been watching people descend on this blogger with the understanding that they are, in fact, Hermione Granger and she is, in fact, a house-elf (the metaphor, applicably, of that man pseudonymously named Hagrid).

When she says "You are not Hermione Granger and I am not a house-elf", they say "well... well... you're a SLUT! Ha! Yes, a SLUT! And a BITCH! HA!"

Thus ends my detailed analysis of "sex-negative" - no, wait, YES sex-negative, also incredibly woman-negative, the-porn-industry-is-a-monolith, feminism.

I refuse to share a label with women who are so bitterly, evilly judgemental of other women (racism, transphobia etc. in the movement are a thousand million other posts... hell, could be a thousand million encyclopaedias).

"Female Chauvinist Pigs"? If you're living under a rock, this is a fairly new, popular "feminist" book in which the author, Ariel Levy, does NOTHING but insult and belittle other women (and some transmen/transmale genderqueers, for good measure).

Classy. That'll end male domination, I'm sure. That's just as useful as fighting for employment rights or reproductive freedom, fighting against rape or female genital mutilation... etc. etc. Those issues will take care of themselves!

Sadly, the issue is as old as feminism itself - no, hang on, Mary Wollstonecraft never wrote "A Vindication of the Rights of Some Women, and A Great Long Bitch About Others" - OK, then, at least a few decades old.

My introduction? I was 15. I was wandering through Waterstone's, having just had my lip pierced at a shop around the corner. I thought "aha, I have never browsed through the feminist section before, even though I am feminist - I am feminist because it's evident that women are equal to men in worth, and they (I thought "we" at that point) are hardly ever treated like that is the case".

The first paragraph I read in the first academic book I skimmed through? All about how women were JUST DISGUSTING for having body piercings, tattoos, etc, because they were TORTURING THEMSELVES for male approval.

Yup, I loved all that male approval that my gothy appearance procured! All those beatings from boys at school, and all the street harrassment!

I'd assumed that other feminists had my back, and I had theirs - but I had the sense just to laugh at that particular author and assume that most feminists were lovely people, dedicated to gaining women every freedom.

Well... fuck that belief. Royally.

I know some people would think that I can't speak about these issues - I'm disqualified as I "quit" womanhood.

Look. If a woman says/writes, "I believe this..." or "This happened to me..." I listen. Intently. I assume that that woman is telling the truth. I mentally file the information away for future use. If the statement is my first example, a belief, I check that it does not contain blatant racism, misogyny or any other ideology that only exists to hurt - if it does not appear to, I accept it.

If a woman says/writes "Women all think", "Women all do", "A real woman would never"... they fail the misogyny test. Just as a man would, if he expressed the same sentiments.

So... do I call myself a feminist any longer? What do I call myself instead? I particularly won't call myself a "trans-positive feminist" because that implies that hatred of trans women is an optional feminist extra, like peanut butter on toast. Is "womanist" vastly culturally inappropriate, as I'm white and English? "Trying not to be a dick to women" doesn't roll off the tongue.

Beauty

So, there will be a discussion of our culture's ridiculous female beauty standards, generally centering around weight.

A lot of women will say "They're ridiculous. They make me feel terrible about myself, when I'm actually, y'know, OK" and some other sensible, non-controversial things like that.

Then, some bloke - or many blokes - will jump in and say HONESTLY! You silly women, all the problems would be solved if you just STOP CARING about your weight. I like a woman to have curves, so you shouldn't be turning to fashion magazines for acceptance, you should be turning to ME! You silly women, honestly, what will you think of next? Ha ha ha.

Another will say, that's right, men don't mind what you look like, and because you obviously exist entirely for men, you shouldn't worry your pretty little heads.

This is predictable, and unhelpul.

They get worse if there's a (rare) discussion about non-white women using beauty products that make them resemble white ones.

The same blokes (though, sometimes, white women too) Well, aren't you silly! You should be proud of your race! You look fine! Why don't you just stop thinking about it entirely. Silly women, aren't you shallow. Ha ha ha.

A lot of people benefit substantially from making white women feel unacceptable, and non-white women feel even worse. They have a great deal of vested interest in female unhappiness. They are prepared to do absolutely anything to allow it to continue. This is the case.

Y'know, for a lot of women, the role their looks/weight play in attracting the opposite/same sex bothers them less than... keeping their job. Avoiding street harassment. Avoiding cruel judgement by relatives and "friends". Most importantly, avoiding feelings of self-hatred.

Sorry, you men. It's not about your utter sexiness. I know you think everything ought to be.

Though it is a typical narrative of people who are attracted to women - she really thinks she's unattractive! Does she live in some nightmarish hall of mirrors? Is she legally blind? - it's not the lady concerned who is the crazy one.

I'm NOT discussing femme, cosmetic-using, frock-wearing women who do those things entirely for fun, or because they are expressing their feminine gender identity, or for any reason that isn't to stem self-hatred or because they feel they should. I'm glad that they are allowed self-expression, just like I'm sad that women with different wants are not, and am in love with the humble eyeliner pencil myself (you know how many gay Goths there are about - look at some NUS LGBT discussions and drown in a sea of lacy blood).

But a woman who tortures herself with illegal, painful, carcinogenic skin lighteners? A woman who starves herself? If someone is willing to go to those lengths, it's unlikely that she can *just forget it*. And it's perfectly visible what makes her that way, even if some people (those who can) choose to ignore it.

n.b. for those people who have never met me - I'm not talking entirely out of my arse when discussing how women are treated. Remember that I look like one, so might have a bit of insight - not as much as an *actual* woman, but.

n.b. 2 - the catalyst for this rambling post was this. So... a light-skinned mixed-race woman has to be lightened to be acceptable? I'm thinking - how could that possibly make a dark-skinned black woman feel wonderful?