The comments for my fieldwork last term pointed out that "Oliver found the physical aspects of the work demanding, and he had some absences through illness" - egad, can I get a disclaimer already, for all the eminent archaeologists that see them and mock what they assume to be a particularly wussy cis boy???
"Incidentally, Oliver has XX chromosomes and weighs less than 120lb whatever he eats, and YES WHILE HIS CATEGORY IS CERTAINLY WITH THE BLOKES, doesn't feel that the comparison of physical strength that people are now going to make is necessarily fair. Many of his absences were owing to migraines, which he gets at certain points in his menstrual cycle, OK??? He has the body and constitution of a consumptive Georgian romantic heroine or an elven princess, all right? If you want to fight over this issue, he'll gladly... erm..."
Also, if you're trans masculine at all, you really don't want to come out to my supervisor - his attitude isn't the problem, he's been bloody wonderful - but he might make you feel rather inadequate. "Hello, Oliver, I'll be with you in a minute. I've got to move fifty pianos with my left hand, demolish a skyscraper with my right, father two children (with the obvious parts) and open some beer bottles with my teeth."
OK, he might never have said that in so many words. But his superhuman strength is admired throughout the department, and he really doesn't understand the concept of illness. I reckon he thinks it's a fiction invented by heartless capitalists.
Anyway... I think I'll post a more light-hearted take on the toilet issue, as the only other option is to stab people in the head with rage.
So, I use the Gents, unless I'm in a dodgy place where it seems less than safe to do so. I miss the cameraderie of the Ladies'. WHY don't other men talk while they're having their pees?
And WHY do they always go alone? It's not just homophobic men not wanting to seem gay, or gay men not wanting to be stabbed - men in gay bars do it too!
It's not a secret mission. Everybody can guess where you're going.
Showing posts with label trannies on teh internets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trannies on teh internets. Show all posts
Friday, 17 October 2008
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Entrenched stereotypes
Obviously, people see what they expect to see. Obviously, if someone has been fed the stereotype of black men being scary, dangerous, criminals, etc. they will remember and recount the ethnicity of the mugger when a young black man steals their wallet, and forget about race altogether when they're recounting their other three muggings by young white men.
And obviously, they won't remember the race of the black man who holds the door open for them, smiles nicely at them in the street, etc.
(I was thinking of that particular example because I've had too many accounts like that from white people, recently - "This BLACK man assaulted me" vs "These men assaulted me" and "I thought he was going to attack me because he was black, and then he did" - well, yes, but also NO! logic FAIL! you eejit.
Anyway, this insightful post reminded me that, in the case of stereotypes about trans people, the need for many of us to pass as non-trans adds an extra layer of difficulty.
The post points out the doublethink inherent in social attitudes to trans women - that all trans women can somehow be hilariously obvious "men in dresses", AND "deceptive" enough in their exact "portrayal" of femininity to "trick" nice young men.
The second concept is more dangerous than the first, of course - it ensures that trans women are murdered, and their killers get off with a slap on the wrist. It gives an excuse to deny trans women employment, etc.
However, the first stereotype ensures that trans women are mocked and ridiculed.
Of course, if a trans woman passes as non-trans, it's impossible to tell that she is trans. That's... kind of the point. So, the first stereotype continues - the average person has only noticed trans women who, in their eyes, look "humorous."
We need to get rid of this concept that a male-assigned person in female-assigned clothing is inherently funny. I'm not sure how, in real terms, we manage that - ban humourous drag shows? Banning things is generally not the way to go...
But anyway, less seriously, it made me laugh how tenaciously stereotypes, particularly this one, hang on. I went on a trip, to an undisclosed location, with a cis male friend and a friend who is a trans woman. This cis male friend has been known to act with even less tact than myself. Therefore, a while before the trip, I said to him "You might notice that my friend is trans. Please, please don't say anything incredibly appalling. Kthx."
Although this particular trans woman passes as non-trans, she didn't seem too bothered about people knowing on this occasion, or perhaps she just assumed that everyone did. So when we were in our little group, she talked about her obstinate stubble, not being able to take off her trousers because she hadn't packed more forgiving undergarments, how she'd been on hormones for enough time to compete in the Olympics, had she wanted to do so... And throughout the trip, my cis male friend, indeed, said nothing incredibly appalling.
On the final day, I was with that friend, and I was talking about something to do with trans... ness, I forget what. "It's like this for me, but for some trans women like *name of trans woman friend*, it's..."
Whereupon, my cis male friend stared with eyes like saucers. "She's trans???"
She just didn't look enough like a hairy lumberjack in a frock, it seems. Thus, the evidence of his own ears could be discounted.
And obviously, they won't remember the race of the black man who holds the door open for them, smiles nicely at them in the street, etc.
(I was thinking of that particular example because I've had too many accounts like that from white people, recently - "This BLACK man assaulted me" vs "These men assaulted me" and "I thought he was going to attack me because he was black, and then he did" - well, yes, but also NO! logic FAIL! you eejit.
Anyway, this insightful post reminded me that, in the case of stereotypes about trans people, the need for many of us to pass as non-trans adds an extra layer of difficulty.
The post points out the doublethink inherent in social attitudes to trans women - that all trans women can somehow be hilariously obvious "men in dresses", AND "deceptive" enough in their exact "portrayal" of femininity to "trick" nice young men.
The second concept is more dangerous than the first, of course - it ensures that trans women are murdered, and their killers get off with a slap on the wrist. It gives an excuse to deny trans women employment, etc.
However, the first stereotype ensures that trans women are mocked and ridiculed.
Of course, if a trans woman passes as non-trans, it's impossible to tell that she is trans. That's... kind of the point. So, the first stereotype continues - the average person has only noticed trans women who, in their eyes, look "humorous."
We need to get rid of this concept that a male-assigned person in female-assigned clothing is inherently funny. I'm not sure how, in real terms, we manage that - ban humourous drag shows? Banning things is generally not the way to go...
But anyway, less seriously, it made me laugh how tenaciously stereotypes, particularly this one, hang on. I went on a trip, to an undisclosed location, with a cis male friend and a friend who is a trans woman. This cis male friend has been known to act with even less tact than myself. Therefore, a while before the trip, I said to him "You might notice that my friend is trans. Please, please don't say anything incredibly appalling. Kthx."
Although this particular trans woman passes as non-trans, she didn't seem too bothered about people knowing on this occasion, or perhaps she just assumed that everyone did. So when we were in our little group, she talked about her obstinate stubble, not being able to take off her trousers because she hadn't packed more forgiving undergarments, how she'd been on hormones for enough time to compete in the Olympics, had she wanted to do so... And throughout the trip, my cis male friend, indeed, said nothing incredibly appalling.
On the final day, I was with that friend, and I was talking about something to do with trans... ness, I forget what. "It's like this for me, but for some trans women like *name of trans woman friend*, it's..."
Whereupon, my cis male friend stared with eyes like saucers. "She's trans???"
She just didn't look enough like a hairy lumberjack in a frock, it seems. Thus, the evidence of his own ears could be discounted.
Sunday, 5 October 2008
A very short Sexism 101
This is Professor Ben Barres, a neuroscientist at the prestigious Stanford University.
According to a colleague, "His work is much better than his sister's."
Professor Barres, oddly, doesn't have a sister who is also a neuroscientist at the prestigious Stanford University. If he does, she hasn't been seen since he turned 40, when he started injecting the testosterone...
According to a colleague, "His work is much better than his sister's."
Professor Barres, oddly, doesn't have a sister who is also a neuroscientist at the prestigious Stanford University. If he does, she hasn't been seen since he turned 40, when he started injecting the testosterone...
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Kitteh Blogging - the inferior acquaintance of baby blogging
Now, when we chose this here kitteh, we were assured that she was used to adults, children and other non-human animals, and would happily play and socialise with an organism that fitted in any of those categories. However, we’ve hit upon a problem – she’s decidedly not used to computers.
She goes absolutely mental whenever there’s a screen in front of her, with its moving cursor or scroll bar - jumping up and down on the keyboard with all four feet, attacking the screen with claws and teeth and, in fact, making a decent effort to eat the whole thing. She can’t be dissuaded – the only thing to do is to shut her in another room, which feels mean as she’s only a baby.
Hagrid is a professional computer nerd, who spends a decent chunk of his time working from home. Is this an insurmountable problem, the only solution to which is the hire of a small child to amuse her while we work?
Also, she feels the need to tell me whenever she makes use of the litter tray – not just half-heartedly, either. I’m meowed at and bitten for as long as it takes to get me to view the poo. I just have to see it for her to be gleefully happy again.
Is that normal feline behaviour?
As you can tell, I’m at home with the kitteh. I’m also so ill that it’s an immense effort just to get up for the Viewing of the Excrement, and as for cleaning it out… bending down makes me very dizzy.
Also, I thought I’d sorted out an issue of mine, of the sort with a capital I… but, it seems, I haven’t. I think I’ll take some preventative measures to stop me from going so utterly mental again. To the outside observer, they’ll be both hilarious and peculiar – but, sadly, I can’t tell y’all what they’ll be.
OK then, imagine that I’m the bloke that went on Trisha with his phobia of scotch eggs (yes, he did). No, say it was only a phobia of a particular brand of scotch eggs, made in minuscule quantities in a Northern Scottish cottage industry. A scotch egg of this brand tastes much better than the average supermarket fare. It is more pleasing to the eye, the palate and the soul.
Would it be fair for me to ask my friends not to eat them, to avoid triggering me? (I know “trigger” shouldn’t be used lightly, but say that I have, like most people, had experiences to which the concept “should” apply, but I’m still affected more by the eggs). Do I ask them to stick to Tesco’s Finest or M&S for their daily proteiny goodness? Or is that entirely unfair? Does it matter, if they’re unlikely ever to travel to the single town in the North of Scotland wherein those particular, terrifying eggs are available?
I have a serious case of Analogy Fail, here – but it’s intentional, so that no-one has any idea what I’m talking about. As usual, haha. Give me your answers.
I was actually around several other trans guys / female genderqueers on Friday. It was weird, like looking in several mirrors at once – though the binary trans guys had all obviously gone through transition the “regular” way, living as butch dykes beforehand, and ending up straight guys rather than, say, *giant fairies*.
There are supposed to be the same number of trans people, of every variety, in the world as there are French people (so says my little book on the subject, though I’m sure that’s a conservative estimate). The problem is, if you’re French, you can take a wild guess as to the location of another French person – and, y’know, it’s not common for French people to deny, and hide, that they are French, “Cette baguette? Il n’est pas ma baguette! Je les déteste! J’adore le pain grillé! Est je ne sais pas pourquoi la baguette est dans mon pantalon!” (that’s an FtM in denial about his nation, see? But he’s speaking Franglais, because it’s a while since I applied myself to irregular verbs etc.).
And whatever the reason, you do tend to see more trans women / male genderqueers out and about.
So, anyway, it was nice to be in a space where a lot of people looked like me.
She goes absolutely mental whenever there’s a screen in front of her, with its moving cursor or scroll bar - jumping up and down on the keyboard with all four feet, attacking the screen with claws and teeth and, in fact, making a decent effort to eat the whole thing. She can’t be dissuaded – the only thing to do is to shut her in another room, which feels mean as she’s only a baby.
Hagrid is a professional computer nerd, who spends a decent chunk of his time working from home. Is this an insurmountable problem, the only solution to which is the hire of a small child to amuse her while we work?
Also, she feels the need to tell me whenever she makes use of the litter tray – not just half-heartedly, either. I’m meowed at and bitten for as long as it takes to get me to view the poo. I just have to see it for her to be gleefully happy again.
Is that normal feline behaviour?
As you can tell, I’m at home with the kitteh. I’m also so ill that it’s an immense effort just to get up for the Viewing of the Excrement, and as for cleaning it out… bending down makes me very dizzy.
Also, I thought I’d sorted out an issue of mine, of the sort with a capital I… but, it seems, I haven’t. I think I’ll take some preventative measures to stop me from going so utterly mental again. To the outside observer, they’ll be both hilarious and peculiar – but, sadly, I can’t tell y’all what they’ll be.
OK then, imagine that I’m the bloke that went on Trisha with his phobia of scotch eggs (yes, he did). No, say it was only a phobia of a particular brand of scotch eggs, made in minuscule quantities in a Northern Scottish cottage industry. A scotch egg of this brand tastes much better than the average supermarket fare. It is more pleasing to the eye, the palate and the soul.
Would it be fair for me to ask my friends not to eat them, to avoid triggering me? (I know “trigger” shouldn’t be used lightly, but say that I have, like most people, had experiences to which the concept “should” apply, but I’m still affected more by the eggs). Do I ask them to stick to Tesco’s Finest or M&S for their daily proteiny goodness? Or is that entirely unfair? Does it matter, if they’re unlikely ever to travel to the single town in the North of Scotland wherein those particular, terrifying eggs are available?
I have a serious case of Analogy Fail, here – but it’s intentional, so that no-one has any idea what I’m talking about. As usual, haha. Give me your answers.
I was actually around several other trans guys / female genderqueers on Friday. It was weird, like looking in several mirrors at once – though the binary trans guys had all obviously gone through transition the “regular” way, living as butch dykes beforehand, and ending up straight guys rather than, say, *giant fairies*.
There are supposed to be the same number of trans people, of every variety, in the world as there are French people (so says my little book on the subject, though I’m sure that’s a conservative estimate). The problem is, if you’re French, you can take a wild guess as to the location of another French person – and, y’know, it’s not common for French people to deny, and hide, that they are French, “Cette baguette? Il n’est pas ma baguette! Je les déteste! J’adore le pain grillé! Est je ne sais pas pourquoi la baguette est dans mon pantalon!” (that’s an FtM in denial about his nation, see? But he’s speaking Franglais, because it’s a while since I applied myself to irregular verbs etc.).
And whatever the reason, you do tend to see more trans women / male genderqueers out and about.
So, anyway, it was nice to be in a space where a lot of people looked like me.
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Whee!
I'm not continuously miserable any more!
Living as a woman, I was always down.
Now I'm only sometimes miserable.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating...
I say, it's lunchtime!
But I oughtn't really to leave the office empty. The other chap is having some difficulties moving house, so isn't here - incidentally, when Hagrid helped Kim to move house, one of them tidily packed his car keys. Or was it the new house keys? At the bottom of the bottom box.
Anyway, yes. Don't know why I just told that scintillating story.
Oh yes - I'm very pleased with myself. Here's why -
I was at the supermarket last night, when a charming youth ran up to me and shouted, "WHY ARE YOU WEARING FUCKING MAKEUP YOU FUCKING POOF" in my face.
This pleases me for two reasons.
Firstly, I've been practising keeping my temper. I very rarely lose it with someone I know, but when chavs hurled abuse (at me or anyone, especially girls or vulnerable-looking people) I used to hurl abuse back, and hurl my whole self at them if I figured I could take them on (which was rare, because they obviously hunt in packs).
That was why I got so many beatings at school - I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and didn't have the physique to match my testosterone levels...
(Actually, I reacted quite differently to bullying from males or females. I'd get really fucking angry at boys, but girls always managed to make me cry).
So, I'd have a problem if I tried to follow the advice they give to mugging victims - don't make eye contact, just hand over the stuff, it's worth less than your life, etc. I know that I'd say "No, fuck you, that's my stuff," and stare them straight in the eye.
I was incredulous, and impressed, when my friend recently followed the advice to the letter. I would be in hospital if our places were exchanged, or I would have died too young to decide upon a decent funeral playlist (actually, those particular muggers weren't too hardcore - just hospital).
So, I have to keep reminding myself, "Someone mental enough to randomly scream at you or mug you is certainly mental enough to stab you in the gut. Which, I've heard, is unpleasant. Oliver, don't react."
And I didn't react yesterday... OK, that's a lie. I did call him a cunt - but only when I was out of possible knife-range.
That's progress, right?
Secondly, the more obvious reason: WHEE! O superbly passable me! I got called a poof! And I am a poof! EXACTLY RIGHT! Fifty points! And I obviously wasn't trying - the eye make-up.
That makes up for several of the latest people assuming I'm a butch dyke.
Which, incidentally, makes me wonder whether any of those people have eyes. How butch am I, exactly? Where is my pickup truck and my ability to lift pianos? How many seconds of sports talk does it take before I beat myself into unconsciousness?
Living as a woman, I was always down.
Now I'm only sometimes miserable.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating...
I say, it's lunchtime!
But I oughtn't really to leave the office empty. The other chap is having some difficulties moving house, so isn't here - incidentally, when Hagrid helped Kim to move house, one of them tidily packed his car keys. Or was it the new house keys? At the bottom of the bottom box.
Anyway, yes. Don't know why I just told that scintillating story.
Oh yes - I'm very pleased with myself. Here's why -
I was at the supermarket last night, when a charming youth ran up to me and shouted, "WHY ARE YOU WEARING FUCKING MAKEUP YOU FUCKING POOF" in my face.
This pleases me for two reasons.
Firstly, I've been practising keeping my temper. I very rarely lose it with someone I know, but when chavs hurled abuse (at me or anyone, especially girls or vulnerable-looking people) I used to hurl abuse back, and hurl my whole self at them if I figured I could take them on (which was rare, because they obviously hunt in packs).
That was why I got so many beatings at school - I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and didn't have the physique to match my testosterone levels...
(Actually, I reacted quite differently to bullying from males or females. I'd get really fucking angry at boys, but girls always managed to make me cry).
So, I'd have a problem if I tried to follow the advice they give to mugging victims - don't make eye contact, just hand over the stuff, it's worth less than your life, etc. I know that I'd say "No, fuck you, that's my stuff," and stare them straight in the eye.
I was incredulous, and impressed, when my friend recently followed the advice to the letter. I would be in hospital if our places were exchanged, or I would have died too young to decide upon a decent funeral playlist (actually, those particular muggers weren't too hardcore - just hospital).
So, I have to keep reminding myself, "Someone mental enough to randomly scream at you or mug you is certainly mental enough to stab you in the gut. Which, I've heard, is unpleasant. Oliver, don't react."
And I didn't react yesterday... OK, that's a lie. I did call him a cunt - but only when I was out of possible knife-range.
That's progress, right?
Secondly, the more obvious reason: WHEE! O superbly passable me! I got called a poof! And I am a poof! EXACTLY RIGHT! Fifty points! And I obviously wasn't trying - the eye make-up.
That makes up for several of the latest people assuming I'm a butch dyke.
Which, incidentally, makes me wonder whether any of those people have eyes. How butch am I, exactly? Where is my pickup truck and my ability to lift pianos? How many seconds of sports talk does it take before I beat myself into unconsciousness?
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
Repetitive Daily Trangst Update
I'm 100% sure that my dad doesn't read this blog - he's a proper autistic person, who neither likes nor understands people communicating with other people, and prefers his one-sided communication with machines.
"Autism speaks" still wouldn't have him as a token (insert ablist slur), though, because his life isn't a tale of woe. He's supposed to be one of the best... whatever it is he does... in Europe, so... he probably doesn't spend enough time sitting around in his own poo.
Whenever I see him in the evenings after work, the bags under his eyes make me glad that I'm not good at anything at all, and inspire me to stay that way.
I specify one-sided communication because his goes "You are a machine. I have fixed you. Now you work" and mine goes "Right, you son of a bitch! Do what I say!" "No." "What in the name of Jesus' knickers do you mean, no? You're a computer! Compute!" "Only if you ask me nicely." "Please?" "No." I think the robot revolution is already here.
I think he tried to compliment me yesterday, is the point. We were in my parents' house, with Gareth in another room, and I was shouting through a list of the world's most beautiful women (that's not actually a regular pastime of mine - I'm not FHM or whatever, and besides, we have much better taste).
Whereupon my dad said vaguely "No, my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. And my daughter is the second."
I don't need to tell anyone that I'm an only child.
I think someone has given him suggested compliments for females. He meant that he was vaguely glad of my existence, no matter how much I puzzle him.
/daily trangst update
Reminds me of Venus Envy in which the dude is called "princess" by his parents... although I'm plenty more femme than he is... he exists mainly to beat stuff up...
"Autism speaks" still wouldn't have him as a token (insert ablist slur), though, because his life isn't a tale of woe. He's supposed to be one of the best... whatever it is he does... in Europe, so... he probably doesn't spend enough time sitting around in his own poo.
Whenever I see him in the evenings after work, the bags under his eyes make me glad that I'm not good at anything at all, and inspire me to stay that way.
I specify one-sided communication because his goes "You are a machine. I have fixed you. Now you work" and mine goes "Right, you son of a bitch! Do what I say!" "No." "What in the name of Jesus' knickers do you mean, no? You're a computer! Compute!" "Only if you ask me nicely." "Please?" "No." I think the robot revolution is already here.
I think he tried to compliment me yesterday, is the point. We were in my parents' house, with Gareth in another room, and I was shouting through a list of the world's most beautiful women (that's not actually a regular pastime of mine - I'm not FHM or whatever, and besides, we have much better taste).
Whereupon my dad said vaguely "No, my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. And my daughter is the second."
I don't need to tell anyone that I'm an only child.
I think someone has given him suggested compliments for females. He meant that he was vaguely glad of my existence, no matter how much I puzzle him.
/daily trangst update
Reminds me of Venus Envy in which the dude is called "princess" by his parents... although I'm plenty more femme than he is... he exists mainly to beat stuff up...
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Sunday, 31 August 2008
Levels of disaster...
Once we've done all the DIY that I ought to be doing right now, rather than writing crap on the interblag, and the house is thus suitable, we're going to get... a KITTEH!
KITTEH KITTEH KITTEH KITTEH. In about a month's time.
Also, KITTEH.
What shall we call it?
Incidentally, KITTEH.
Today, I saw my cousin Helaina in an ITV documentary about living with her disabilities. It was excellent - none of that bollocks that documentaries are crammed with nowadays - no overly loud music, no "interesting" camerawork, no THIS IS THE GREATEST DISASTER EVAR!!!11 O NOES!!!11111 WE MUST PITY THEM! I CAN'T HEAR YOUR PITY YET! CRY, BITCHES! kind of stuff.
I'd give you a link to what I assume is clips from it, but I can't watch and check; ITV's website refuses to play videos unless you are the willing bitch of Microsoft.
Hagrid's looking over my shoulder and saying INSULT MICROSOFT MORE! Microshaft Microshaft Micro$oft! but I'm struggling to summon up the energy to care - aren't I supposed to be stuffed with political principle? Never mind.
Anyway, I'm in awe of Helaina's parents - not in the "Oh, the burden of a crippled child! Why didn't they just shoot her?" kind of way that is still worryingly acceptable, but simply in awe of all their hard work over the years, both to help their own child and for other people's children.
Now, I'm autistic, and my grasp of social nuances is about as great as Microsoft's love for free software, but...
Why, when people use the wrong name/pronoun for trans people, can't they just say "Whoops, sorry" or "BobFUCKRoberta" (my name is permanently E-fuck-Oliver for one person, whose memory is filled to capacity with D&D rules)?
Why do they say "Oh, but it's so hard to get it right"? I sort of understand that they're trying to say "I really didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry, it's not because I'm a bigot of any variety, I just forgot". But the whiny tone - exactly like the one I just used when reminded that I ought to be painting a door! - alters our perception of the statement.
We want to respond with "And it's super-easy to be trans" then list the latest murder stats for people like us, or simply just discuss the smaller, daily incidences of annoyance and insult.
If you've... learned to walk, passed an examination, gotten over an illness, brought up a child, done a job, cooked a meal... done many things... you're surely capable of using a word without much difficulty.
Or do they mean emotionally difficult? Because the patience of the less adorable trans person ends here - we're back to "It's super-easy to navigate the world when your existence is offensive" again.
Do they mean "It's easy to forget something, it'll take time to remember consistently" - 'cause that would be rather more reassuring.
I'm not attacking anybody in particular here - we were just discussing on the interblag why on earth "but it's so hard" is the most common response.
I've just come to the conclusion that if people are gonna be so tactless, they can't complain when I do it. Fellow auties - we get a free pass!
Incidentally, I'm living a double life at the moment - my grandma knows nothing, so no-one is using my new name in front of her. Of course, she's deaf as a post - I could say "I'm a Nazi warlord who eats babies!" and she'd say "Ahh, that's nice."
But she might learn to lip-read...
Finally, I'm incredibly glad that I live in the UK. The concept of all the North Americans going "Bugger me, it's hurricane season again... better evacuate," with the same resignation that we'd use to say "It's drizzling," is crazy.
I hope everyone gets out safely. If I was the praying type, that's what I'd do.
KITTEH KITTEH KITTEH KITTEH. In about a month's time.
Also, KITTEH.
What shall we call it?
Incidentally, KITTEH.
Today, I saw my cousin Helaina in an ITV documentary about living with her disabilities. It was excellent - none of that bollocks that documentaries are crammed with nowadays - no overly loud music, no "interesting" camerawork, no THIS IS THE GREATEST DISASTER EVAR!!!11 O NOES!!!11111 WE MUST PITY THEM! I CAN'T HEAR YOUR PITY YET! CRY, BITCHES! kind of stuff.
I'd give you a link to what I assume is clips from it, but I can't watch and check; ITV's website refuses to play videos unless you are the willing bitch of Microsoft.
Hagrid's looking over my shoulder and saying INSULT MICROSOFT MORE! Microshaft Microshaft Micro$oft! but I'm struggling to summon up the energy to care - aren't I supposed to be stuffed with political principle? Never mind.
Anyway, I'm in awe of Helaina's parents - not in the "Oh, the burden of a crippled child! Why didn't they just shoot her?" kind of way that is still worryingly acceptable, but simply in awe of all their hard work over the years, both to help their own child and for other people's children.
Now, I'm autistic, and my grasp of social nuances is about as great as Microsoft's love for free software, but...
Why, when people use the wrong name/pronoun for trans people, can't they just say "Whoops, sorry" or "BobFUCKRoberta" (my name is permanently E-fuck-Oliver for one person, whose memory is filled to capacity with D&D rules)?
Why do they say "Oh, but it's so hard to get it right"? I sort of understand that they're trying to say "I really didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry, it's not because I'm a bigot of any variety, I just forgot". But the whiny tone - exactly like the one I just used when reminded that I ought to be painting a door! - alters our perception of the statement.
We want to respond with "And it's super-easy to be trans" then list the latest murder stats for people like us, or simply just discuss the smaller, daily incidences of annoyance and insult.
If you've... learned to walk, passed an examination, gotten over an illness, brought up a child, done a job, cooked a meal... done many things... you're surely capable of using a word without much difficulty.
Or do they mean emotionally difficult? Because the patience of the less adorable trans person ends here - we're back to "It's super-easy to navigate the world when your existence is offensive" again.
Do they mean "It's easy to forget something, it'll take time to remember consistently" - 'cause that would be rather more reassuring.
I'm not attacking anybody in particular here - we were just discussing on the interblag why on earth "but it's so hard" is the most common response.
I've just come to the conclusion that if people are gonna be so tactless, they can't complain when I do it. Fellow auties - we get a free pass!
Incidentally, I'm living a double life at the moment - my grandma knows nothing, so no-one is using my new name in front of her. Of course, she's deaf as a post - I could say "I'm a Nazi warlord who eats babies!" and she'd say "Ahh, that's nice."
But she might learn to lip-read...
Finally, I'm incredibly glad that I live in the UK. The concept of all the North Americans going "Bugger me, it's hurricane season again... better evacuate," with the same resignation that we'd use to say "It's drizzling," is crazy.
I hope everyone gets out safely. If I was the praying type, that's what I'd do.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
In which we learn that trans people can't use mattocks
I'm trying to write an email to my supervisor at uni, so that I can go full time trans-wise in my department – and also so I can get help with the stupid name thing; I guess if the staff know me as Oliver, the bureaucrats will be more likely to accept it.
I tell a lie – it says that they might accept a letter from a GIC, if no GRC exists.
Incidentally, what's the waiting list for a first appointment at the GIC I could be referred to? More specifically, how long is the waiting list in years?
At least two, is the answer.
But that is, in fact, beside the point.
I'm also mates with our very LGBT-friendly students' union president – I wonder if he can pull strings. I'll be extremely nice to him, shall I? Though I think the nicest thing I could do would be to relieve him of the presidency somehow (he's a freelance creative genius normally, and not really cut out for a 9-to-5).
Anywho, what shall I say to my supervisor? I've done nothing but stress him out over the past year, mainly because I spent a lot of it ill in bed, failing to reach deadlines; I'm not sure that I'm imagining the look of slight horror whenever he sees me. AND I'll need help with my coursework from him soon. By “help” I mean that I'd like the whole thing to have a single reference: “Steve Roskhams, pers comm”. I'm sort of stuck.
If I was a cynic, I would list the few things he might be pleased to hear: he's turned me into a nascent Marxist archaeologist (he's an established one)? I recently read one of his books, and thought it was awesome? The way he wields a mattock makes me jealous (him: Str18/Dex17, me: Str7/Dex9, an extra -2 to mattocking owing to back problem)?
As does his ability to have millions of biological children without going through hell (he's rarely seen without some small carbon copies of himself – and, see, that's trans-related!)?
Nah. I think I'd just better say O HALP HALP. Again.
I tell a lie – it says that they might accept a letter from a GIC, if no GRC exists.
Incidentally, what's the waiting list for a first appointment at the GIC I could be referred to? More specifically, how long is the waiting list in years?
At least two, is the answer.
But that is, in fact, beside the point.
I'm also mates with our very LGBT-friendly students' union president – I wonder if he can pull strings. I'll be extremely nice to him, shall I? Though I think the nicest thing I could do would be to relieve him of the presidency somehow (he's a freelance creative genius normally, and not really cut out for a 9-to-5).
Anywho, what shall I say to my supervisor? I've done nothing but stress him out over the past year, mainly because I spent a lot of it ill in bed, failing to reach deadlines; I'm not sure that I'm imagining the look of slight horror whenever he sees me. AND I'll need help with my coursework from him soon. By “help” I mean that I'd like the whole thing to have a single reference: “Steve Roskhams, pers comm”. I'm sort of stuck.
If I was a cynic, I would list the few things he might be pleased to hear: he's turned me into a nascent Marxist archaeologist (he's an established one)? I recently read one of his books, and thought it was awesome? The way he wields a mattock makes me jealous (him: Str18/Dex17, me: Str7/Dex9, an extra -2 to mattocking owing to back problem)?
As does his ability to have millions of biological children without going through hell (he's rarely seen without some small carbon copies of himself – and, see, that's trans-related!)?
Nah. I think I'd just better say O HALP HALP. Again.
Monday, 25 August 2008
Thoughts
Just an FYI to Hagrid, here, in writing; my name is NOT Oliver Aragorn F-P. That's your only contribution so far to the Great Middle Name Debate, and hopeful repetition of it does not increase my liking any.
------------------------------------------------------
My facebook status has, for weeks, been "Oliver is in the doldrums" and "Oliver is still in the doldrums". The feelings of inadequacy that keep me there are not likely to depart. I was with two friends yesterday, whose conversations are able to go, with no bending of the truth, like this:
"What about when you were living with a Pygmy tribe and you caught that weird tropical disease?"
Me: "Wait - you lived with a Pygmy tribe?"
"Well, yes, because I have experience in jungles, so my friend wanted me to come along as a guide."
I have known this man for a YEAR. He always tells the truth. He has never, ever mentioned this vast body of jungle experience. He's mentioned other cool shit, like his music PhD and his farm, but always in an offhand manner as if the listener's life must be far more interesting.
The other friend has had equally awesome experiences, but my personal favourite is:
"You know when you were hired to train all the Alton Towers staff in how to talk like a pirate?"
See, if I had had an interesting experience, it would be shouted from the rooftops. HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU, DID YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE EXPERIENCE IN JUNGLES? YES, REAL JUNGLES! I KNOW ALL THE SECRETS OF THEIR NATIVE INHABITANTS, SO I CAN DO SOME PRETTY AWESOME SHIT, AND INCIDENTALLY, I ONCE WON A WRESTLING MATCH WITH AN ELEPHANT.
Is this just me?
------------------------------------------------------
You know when things are so incredibly dreadful, your only options are to laugh, or to cry forever?
Hagrid thinks we should make leaflets to hand out in the street. They would suggest to the average Joe that he shouldn't murder any trans women. That day, at least.
They would explain that, if he meets a trans woman, or has sexual intercourse of any variety with one, the logical next step is not *necessarily* to kill her.
Some men do seem to treat it as an ordinary, ethically neutral action, like eating lunch or combing their hair.
Our courts, like the American courts (I don't know enough about the justice system of any other country) treat it the same way.
I can't deal with this shit any more. I mean, what can I do? Does anyone have any suggestions? Does anyone actually care?
I'm beginning to think that handing out those leaflets would probably help.
------------------------------------------------------
My facebook status has, for weeks, been "Oliver is in the doldrums" and "Oliver is still in the doldrums". The feelings of inadequacy that keep me there are not likely to depart. I was with two friends yesterday, whose conversations are able to go, with no bending of the truth, like this:
"What about when you were living with a Pygmy tribe and you caught that weird tropical disease?"
Me: "Wait - you lived with a Pygmy tribe?"
"Well, yes, because I have experience in jungles, so my friend wanted me to come along as a guide."
I have known this man for a YEAR. He always tells the truth. He has never, ever mentioned this vast body of jungle experience. He's mentioned other cool shit, like his music PhD and his farm, but always in an offhand manner as if the listener's life must be far more interesting.
The other friend has had equally awesome experiences, but my personal favourite is:
"You know when you were hired to train all the Alton Towers staff in how to talk like a pirate?"
See, if I had had an interesting experience, it would be shouted from the rooftops. HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU, DID YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE EXPERIENCE IN JUNGLES? YES, REAL JUNGLES! I KNOW ALL THE SECRETS OF THEIR NATIVE INHABITANTS, SO I CAN DO SOME PRETTY AWESOME SHIT, AND INCIDENTALLY, I ONCE WON A WRESTLING MATCH WITH AN ELEPHANT.
Is this just me?
------------------------------------------------------
You know when things are so incredibly dreadful, your only options are to laugh, or to cry forever?
Hagrid thinks we should make leaflets to hand out in the street. They would suggest to the average Joe that he shouldn't murder any trans women. That day, at least.
They would explain that, if he meets a trans woman, or has sexual intercourse of any variety with one, the logical next step is not *necessarily* to kill her.
Some men do seem to treat it as an ordinary, ethically neutral action, like eating lunch or combing their hair.
Our courts, like the American courts (I don't know enough about the justice system of any other country) treat it the same way.
I can't deal with this shit any more. I mean, what can I do? Does anyone have any suggestions? Does anyone actually care?
I'm beginning to think that handing out those leaflets would probably help.
Friday, 15 August 2008
Doctors, part eleventy
The cinema in Leeds has designated some showings of Mamma Mia! as sing-alongs.
O HALP, I are being dragged there by a mysterious force...
That *nearly* makes up for the delay of the new Harry Potter film (a delay I only just heard about).
Let's watch the trailer, anyway.
Now, I lovelovelove Harry Potter (not the films so much, but they're not that bad). I rather wanted to change my name to Harry rather than Oliver, so that every second was like being inside one of the books. I would make everyone say it like Hermione does.
"Harry!!!"
"Yes?"
"Do the fucking washing up!"
Don't you see how wonderful that could have been?
-------------------------------------------------------
Trans FAQ, part eleventy-one:
"Why don't transsexual people trust doctors?"
Transsexual people are often told not to worry their pretty little heads about transition - surely the doctors have got it covered? Or, WHAT, they haven't even SEEN a doctor yet? How do they know they're a real transsexual?
Now, these questioners have obviously never had a serious medical condition - and, wait, are male or childless.
(DISCLAIMER - this post is about MOST doctors. It's not about nurses, who are heroes, paramedics, who are heroes, and the few doctors that are attracted to the profession through altruism, rather than for the massive pay packet.)
Doctors. Are. Crap. Doctors cannot deal with the commonest of issues, and faff about until more serious issues escalate. They can't prescribe the fucking Pill.
One of my own GPs, who has treated me for minor ailments in the past, almost killed Silverback through negligence. That's no exaggeration. Through more inaction, he made certain that my grandad had to have his leg amputated, because it was too late to save it. There are more GPs at that practice - there's the one who doesn't listen to a word you say, the one that doesn't listen to a word you say while STARING at you in a freaky staring manner, and the other... that doesn't listen to a word you say.
Some of them might have known their stuff medically. Who knows? They can't tell you, because they didn't listen to your problem.
"I have to lie down while having blood taken, because it always makes me immediately pass out."
"Now, just sit there - "
"No, I have to lie down, because it makes me pass out."
"Don't be afraid!"
"I'm not afraid at all. It just makes me pass out."
"I'm sure it won't. It'll be very quick."
*ten second pause*
CRASH.
Now, if you had a complex neurological condition (not a "disorder") and you needed medical supplies and procedures to improve it...
And you'd have to face horrendous waiting lists anyway (try two. whole. decades. if you're a particular friend of mine, battered by cutbacks and the postcode lottery)...
And you probably won't be given the supplies and procedures if a) you're gay or bisexual, b) you have children, c) you don't dress correctly, d) you're over about 40...
You'd probably raise money for private surgery without referral, and buy some illegal hormones online.
That's what I'd do.
Why do you think so many pregnant women opt for home births, with as little medical involvement as possible?
Because they don't, actually, *like* being patronised and treated like not-quite-humans.
O HALP, I are being dragged there by a mysterious force...
That *nearly* makes up for the delay of the new Harry Potter film (a delay I only just heard about).
Let's watch the trailer, anyway.
Now, I lovelovelove Harry Potter (not the films so much, but they're not that bad). I rather wanted to change my name to Harry rather than Oliver, so that every second was like being inside one of the books. I would make everyone say it like Hermione does.
"Harry!!!"
"Yes?"
"Do the fucking washing up!"
Don't you see how wonderful that could have been?
-------------------------------------------------------
Trans FAQ, part eleventy-one:
"Why don't transsexual people trust doctors?"
Transsexual people are often told not to worry their pretty little heads about transition - surely the doctors have got it covered? Or, WHAT, they haven't even SEEN a doctor yet? How do they know they're a real transsexual?
Now, these questioners have obviously never had a serious medical condition - and, wait, are male or childless.
(DISCLAIMER - this post is about MOST doctors. It's not about nurses, who are heroes, paramedics, who are heroes, and the few doctors that are attracted to the profession through altruism, rather than for the massive pay packet.)
Doctors. Are. Crap. Doctors cannot deal with the commonest of issues, and faff about until more serious issues escalate. They can't prescribe the fucking Pill.
One of my own GPs, who has treated me for minor ailments in the past, almost killed Silverback through negligence. That's no exaggeration. Through more inaction, he made certain that my grandad had to have his leg amputated, because it was too late to save it. There are more GPs at that practice - there's the one who doesn't listen to a word you say, the one that doesn't listen to a word you say while STARING at you in a freaky staring manner, and the other... that doesn't listen to a word you say.
Some of them might have known their stuff medically. Who knows? They can't tell you, because they didn't listen to your problem.
"I have to lie down while having blood taken, because it always makes me immediately pass out."
"Now, just sit there - "
"No, I have to lie down, because it makes me pass out."
"Don't be afraid!"
"I'm not afraid at all. It just makes me pass out."
"I'm sure it won't. It'll be very quick."
*ten second pause*
CRASH.
Now, if you had a complex neurological condition (not a "disorder") and you needed medical supplies and procedures to improve it...
And you'd have to face horrendous waiting lists anyway (try two. whole. decades. if you're a particular friend of mine, battered by cutbacks and the postcode lottery)...
And you probably won't be given the supplies and procedures if a) you're gay or bisexual, b) you have children, c) you don't dress correctly, d) you're over about 40...
You'd probably raise money for private surgery without referral, and buy some illegal hormones online.
That's what I'd do.
Why do you think so many pregnant women opt for home births, with as little medical involvement as possible?
Because they don't, actually, *like* being patronised and treated like not-quite-humans.
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Secret Name?
I'm taking a 20-minute break from work before my brain liquefies.
Does anyone care to explain where, precisely, mine and Gareth's £50 each to the Deed Poll people, and £72 each to the passport people, and all the other fees that we haven't found out about yet, will actually fucking go?
There's no way we can afford that right now!
I think Gareth needs to change his full name too, or else he's getting even less value for money than I am (we're both hyphenating our surnames).
He needs a secret name, like people have in some fantasy settings, that he can't tell to anyone or else they can cast eeevil spells on him...
With my ever so middle-class forenames, and double-barrelled surname, I sound just like one of the aforementioned Hooray Henrys at my university. That's amusing.
An incident from a few months ago has just come back to me - myself, some other bi/gay guys, a couple of lesbian women and a transfeminine genderqueer person are all sitting in my college bar (we're a collegiate university - I'm assuming it's to attract posh folk) after an interminable LGBT meeting. The only noise is its unpredictable sound system, which likes to go VERY LOUD or very quiet at odd intervals, making everyone jump in unison.
Then, a large group of those interchangeable posh boys turn up, with a crowd of admiring interchangeable posh women (reverse-classist? Me? Fuck off or I'll nut yer). They are dressed as Palaeolithic people... OK, "cave men". I'd say they were aiming for the Lower/Middle Paleolithic look, as there's really no room for them in Homo Sapiens.
They are also VERY LOUD, and occupy lots of space, and shove the one poor soul at the bar out of the way.
Now, everyone in our group starts to complain. Lesbians: "Oh GOD, they're so arrogant. And are those girls trying to look ATTRACTIVE? Put it away!"
Lesbians and myself: "And they're rather a disgrace to feminism - there's no need to act quite that stupidly."
Other gay/bi men, transfeminine genderqueer, and myself: "Those guys are so arrogant. Oh GOD, my burning eyes. Are they trying to look ATTRACTIVE? Put it away!"
We all stare at our shoes with embarrassment, and there is a pause, which I use efficaciously to purloin someone's chips.
Transfeminine genderqueer: "We're jealous, aren't we?"
Gay guy: "Of THEM? THEM??? Yes."
Other gay guy: "Because we don't fit effortlessly into socially acceptable courtship rituals."
Transfeminine genderqueer: "And they're absolute fuckwits, and they do."
Me: "And below the neck, they are actually attractive. It's all the gym time."
Everyone: "Yup."
Gay guy: "This is like high school."
It's not really like my high school, because no-one's thought it necessary to put up signs declaiming that there's no safe place to stab someone, but I can sort of see his point.
What's my own, particular jealous thought?
"The facial hair. Those guys can grow facial hair. Why can't I grow facial hair? Posh twats with their facial hair. Hirsute posh twats. Them and their beard-opportunities."
I keep that to myself, however. Everyone already thinks I talk about the world of facial fuzz too much.
I have, honestly, no idea why I just recounted that.
Might as well post it.
Does anyone care to explain where, precisely, mine and Gareth's £50 each to the Deed Poll people, and £72 each to the passport people, and all the other fees that we haven't found out about yet, will actually fucking go?
There's no way we can afford that right now!
I think Gareth needs to change his full name too, or else he's getting even less value for money than I am (we're both hyphenating our surnames).
He needs a secret name, like people have in some fantasy settings, that he can't tell to anyone or else they can cast eeevil spells on him...
With my ever so middle-class forenames, and double-barrelled surname, I sound just like one of the aforementioned Hooray Henrys at my university. That's amusing.
An incident from a few months ago has just come back to me - myself, some other bi/gay guys, a couple of lesbian women and a transfeminine genderqueer person are all sitting in my college bar (we're a collegiate university - I'm assuming it's to attract posh folk) after an interminable LGBT meeting. The only noise is its unpredictable sound system, which likes to go VERY LOUD or very quiet at odd intervals, making everyone jump in unison.
Then, a large group of those interchangeable posh boys turn up, with a crowd of admiring interchangeable posh women (reverse-classist? Me? Fuck off or I'll nut yer). They are dressed as Palaeolithic people... OK, "cave men". I'd say they were aiming for the Lower/Middle Paleolithic look, as there's really no room for them in Homo Sapiens.
They are also VERY LOUD, and occupy lots of space, and shove the one poor soul at the bar out of the way.
Now, everyone in our group starts to complain. Lesbians: "Oh GOD, they're so arrogant. And are those girls trying to look ATTRACTIVE? Put it away!"
Lesbians and myself: "And they're rather a disgrace to feminism - there's no need to act quite that stupidly."
Other gay/bi men, transfeminine genderqueer, and myself: "Those guys are so arrogant. Oh GOD, my burning eyes. Are they trying to look ATTRACTIVE? Put it away!"
We all stare at our shoes with embarrassment, and there is a pause, which I use efficaciously to purloin someone's chips.
Transfeminine genderqueer: "We're jealous, aren't we?"
Gay guy: "Of THEM? THEM??? Yes."
Other gay guy: "Because we don't fit effortlessly into socially acceptable courtship rituals."
Transfeminine genderqueer: "And they're absolute fuckwits, and they do."
Me: "And below the neck, they are actually attractive. It's all the gym time."
Everyone: "Yup."
Gay guy: "This is like high school."
It's not really like my high school, because no-one's thought it necessary to put up signs declaiming that there's no safe place to stab someone, but I can sort of see his point.
What's my own, particular jealous thought?
"The facial hair. Those guys can grow facial hair. Why can't I grow facial hair? Posh twats with their facial hair. Hirsute posh twats. Them and their beard-opportunities."
I keep that to myself, however. Everyone already thinks I talk about the world of facial fuzz too much.
I have, honestly, no idea why I just recounted that.
Might as well post it.
Friday, 8 August 2008
Pants Down Friend
A post whose component parts are entirely unrelated. Yup, I'm back from Wacken, and my face, pimply at the best of times, looks like someone has puked on it (from my living on grease and mud).
Just thought you might like to know that.
1) I'm supposed to be reading the archaeological reports on Christ Church, Spitalfields. They are quite comical* - it's one disaster after another: Active smallpox virus has been discovered! A coffin has fallen on someone's head! Someone has caught a skin disease whose variety we have been unable to ascertain!
2) I might email my department and suggest that, before next term, they send round a message detailing the differences between a compliment and sexual harrassment. I'm treated perfectly well by the Hooray Henrys in my year, because I happily don't register on their radar as "girl" - but the pretty GTA last term was decidedly *not*.
It wasn't just feminist me and the girls that were cringing at their behaviour - it was a few of the other boys, too - the ones who hadn't been educated privately, incidentally.
Now, do we see how it's a *bad* idea to shut pubescent heterosexual boys up in a building with nothing but themselves and FHM for company? Then to unleash them on a world containing real females? Boys from families so wealthy that they feel entitled to "own" whatever they wish?
3) Ladies, gentlemen, &c. I give you (as we saw at Wacken)...
Corvus Corax!
I thought they were Corpus Corax to start off with... which also translates nicely.
*Runs off to start a band called Corpus Corax*
4) I'm gonna be harsher about the new Nightwish this time. Anette Olzon appears to be the exact opposite of Tarja Turunen. Turunen had apparently no personality, and an amazing voice. Olzon takes pains to demonstrate that she has a personality...
But she's not my housemate, my girlfriend or even an acquaintance. She's the lead vocalist in a famous band - incidentally, a band whose older music requires A SOPRANO. Someone who can hit high notes, at least approximately. Not a special new definition of "soprano", meaning "someone I would quite like to boink" - looking at YOU, mister keyboard-face.
If they weren't going to have one, if any vocal range would do, they might as well have given Blaize Bailey some employment.
5) To *sort of* tie together my comments about continental Europeans putting us to shame, and sexual harrassment (in this case, a lack of), I present to you: the most adorable proposition ever made to anyone, EVER.
Man: Vould you be interested in being my pants-down friend?
David: No.
Man (with expression of bitter disappointment): Oh.
Man (wanders off in another direction, waves): Vish me luck!
If you don't acquiesce to that, you must have a heart of stone.
I might do a SRS POST OF SRSNZ later. OK, I'll do a baby trans one now, as people seem to be actually interested in my haphazard Trans 101.
1) You can be as nosy as you generally are about the identity and history of a trans person that you know and like (no, not a random one off the street). Ask all the questions you like - as long as you make sure that person understands that their answers will not alter your perception of their identity. The average woman wouldn't mind telling you that she had a ginger beard once, if she really knew that your only, brief, thought on the matter was "That's Susan. She used to have a long ginger beard".
2) However, don't talk loudly about a trans person's trans "issues" in public. Talk about trans stuff, yes, sing a song about it if you like, but don't suggest that it's connected at all to your acquaintance. If you are talking about hir own trans stuff, keep your voice very low.
This is simply a safety issue. If you were sitting in a "white" bus during any apartheid, you wouldn't say to your companion "Well GOSH! Shall we talk about how you're hiding your BLACK SKIN?"
(n.b. the analogy doesn't work in any other way - it's just a point about personal safety).
*Maybe my definition of "comical" differs from yours, then.
Just thought you might like to know that.
1) I'm supposed to be reading the archaeological reports on Christ Church, Spitalfields. They are quite comical* - it's one disaster after another: Active smallpox virus has been discovered! A coffin has fallen on someone's head! Someone has caught a skin disease whose variety we have been unable to ascertain!
2) I might email my department and suggest that, before next term, they send round a message detailing the differences between a compliment and sexual harrassment. I'm treated perfectly well by the Hooray Henrys in my year, because I happily don't register on their radar as "girl" - but the pretty GTA last term was decidedly *not*.
It wasn't just feminist me and the girls that were cringing at their behaviour - it was a few of the other boys, too - the ones who hadn't been educated privately, incidentally.
Now, do we see how it's a *bad* idea to shut pubescent heterosexual boys up in a building with nothing but themselves and FHM for company? Then to unleash them on a world containing real females? Boys from families so wealthy that they feel entitled to "own" whatever they wish?
3) Ladies, gentlemen, &c. I give you (as we saw at Wacken)...
Corvus Corax!
I thought they were Corpus Corax to start off with... which also translates nicely.
*Runs off to start a band called Corpus Corax*
4) I'm gonna be harsher about the new Nightwish this time. Anette Olzon appears to be the exact opposite of Tarja Turunen. Turunen had apparently no personality, and an amazing voice. Olzon takes pains to demonstrate that she has a personality...
But she's not my housemate, my girlfriend or even an acquaintance. She's the lead vocalist in a famous band - incidentally, a band whose older music requires A SOPRANO. Someone who can hit high notes, at least approximately. Not a special new definition of "soprano", meaning "someone I would quite like to boink" - looking at YOU, mister keyboard-face.
If they weren't going to have one, if any vocal range would do, they might as well have given Blaize Bailey some employment.
5) To *sort of* tie together my comments about continental Europeans putting us to shame, and sexual harrassment (in this case, a lack of), I present to you: the most adorable proposition ever made to anyone, EVER.
Man: Vould you be interested in being my pants-down friend?
David: No.
Man (with expression of bitter disappointment): Oh.
Man (wanders off in another direction, waves): Vish me luck!
If you don't acquiesce to that, you must have a heart of stone.
I might do a SRS POST OF SRSNZ later. OK, I'll do a baby trans one now, as people seem to be actually interested in my haphazard Trans 101.
1) You can be as nosy as you generally are about the identity and history of a trans person that you know and like (no, not a random one off the street). Ask all the questions you like - as long as you make sure that person understands that their answers will not alter your perception of their identity. The average woman wouldn't mind telling you that she had a ginger beard once, if she really knew that your only, brief, thought on the matter was "That's Susan. She used to have a long ginger beard".
2) However, don't talk loudly about a trans person's trans "issues" in public. Talk about trans stuff, yes, sing a song about it if you like, but don't suggest that it's connected at all to your acquaintance. If you are talking about hir own trans stuff, keep your voice very low.
This is simply a safety issue. If you were sitting in a "white" bus during any apartheid, you wouldn't say to your companion "Well GOSH! Shall we talk about how you're hiding your BLACK SKIN?"
(n.b. the analogy doesn't work in any other way - it's just a point about personal safety).
*Maybe my definition of "comical" differs from yours, then.
Sunday, 27 July 2008
Nomenclature
I've found, as I'm sure every other trans person on the planet has found, that a lot of people think that using my old name is OK. Whether their reasoning is "I knew this person before" or "I just keep forgetting" or "This person is surely just going to use hir name as a nickname anyway", the result is still the same.
Now, all this reasoning is sensible. That's why I'm not angry with the people who still use nothing but my old name, or *almost* nothing, or use my real name in a *jokey* fashion.
So, this is an educational post, which explains what many trans people (i.e. all trans people with a readin' bent, who thus know a bit about trans history; or all people whose lives have been blighted by transphobic violence) understand to be the connotations of such actions.
Edit: I had a long and boring analogy here... it was long, boring and pointless. It was about connotations of language use that only the recipient is likely to understand.
Use of a trans person's old name without apology will always connote the words and actions of people who actively refuse to use the new one. Those people will include, depending on the trans person:
Harold Johnson, who had changed his name to "Joanne" (or whoever)
Harold Johnson, who preferred to be called "Joanne"
I don't want to link to any of the hundreds floating about the web - I read them once to take in the information, but don't want to give bigoted people any more traffic.
Do you see how these journalists become complicit in rape and murder (because it's nearly always both)? The best-known real-life case:
1) Brandon Teena is raped, to prove he is "really a woman" and can thus be raped like one
2) Brandon Teena is murdered, because he was "deceitful", because he was "really a woman"
3) Brandon Teena is referred to as Teena Brandon in all media coverage, because he is "really a woman"
Well, as long as we know, that removes all the little details of, what was it? Rape and murder or something...
However, the majority of transphobic violence is still against trans women. This is the usual story; a trans woman is rejected by her family (who obviously wouldn't use her real name) from a young age for being trans; or can't get a job (her potential employer wouldn't use her real name, would they?) because she's trans; so she is working in the sex trade or at least sleeping with abusive men that she wouldn't otherwise go near, because she needs support. One of her clients or boyfriends murders her, and the half-inch of media coverage does not use her real name.
I said I'd make this post coherent when I was awake... well, I haven't.
But the point is... "David, sorry, I mean Elaine" is the sentence that trans people will weep with joy to hear, if you (understandably) forget our names.
Incidentally, I'm full of insatiable curiosity, so I've asked every post-social-transition trans person I know "What was your birth name?"
Some people will find that perfectly fine, because I've previously established that it's just general nosiness rather than an attempt to discredit their identity...
Some will always hate it, because they've got some understandable sensitivity over the issue.
I never said I had all the answers.
Now, all this reasoning is sensible. That's why I'm not angry with the people who still use nothing but my old name, or *almost* nothing, or use my real name in a *jokey* fashion.
So, this is an educational post, which explains what many trans people (i.e. all trans people with a readin' bent, who thus know a bit about trans history; or all people whose lives have been blighted by transphobic violence) understand to be the connotations of such actions.
Edit: I had a long and boring analogy here... it was long, boring and pointless. It was about connotations of language use that only the recipient is likely to understand.
Use of a trans person's old name without apology will always connote the words and actions of people who actively refuse to use the new one. Those people will include, depending on the trans person:
- Friends and family members who couldn't accept hir, and thus cut hir out of their lives - and if you are family or good friends, then the trans person will have heard enough horror stories from hir trans friends for hir to dread a similar situation.
- Public figures who promote transphobia.
- Their obituaries and reports of their murders.
Harold Johnson, who had changed his name to "Joanne" (or whoever)
Harold Johnson, who preferred to be called "Joanne"
I don't want to link to any of the hundreds floating about the web - I read them once to take in the information, but don't want to give bigoted people any more traffic.
Do you see how these journalists become complicit in rape and murder (because it's nearly always both)? The best-known real-life case:
1) Brandon Teena is raped, to prove he is "really a woman" and can thus be raped like one
2) Brandon Teena is murdered, because he was "deceitful", because he was "really a woman"
3) Brandon Teena is referred to as Teena Brandon in all media coverage, because he is "really a woman"
Well, as long as we know, that removes all the little details of, what was it? Rape and murder or something...
However, the majority of transphobic violence is still against trans women. This is the usual story; a trans woman is rejected by her family (who obviously wouldn't use her real name) from a young age for being trans; or can't get a job (her potential employer wouldn't use her real name, would they?) because she's trans; so she is working in the sex trade or at least sleeping with abusive men that she wouldn't otherwise go near, because she needs support. One of her clients or boyfriends murders her, and the half-inch of media coverage does not use her real name.
I said I'd make this post coherent when I was awake... well, I haven't.
But the point is... "David, sorry, I mean Elaine" is the sentence that trans people will weep with joy to hear, if you (understandably) forget our names.
Incidentally, I'm full of insatiable curiosity, so I've asked every post-social-transition trans person I know "What was your birth name?"
Some people will find that perfectly fine, because I've previously established that it's just general nosiness rather than an attempt to discredit their identity...
Some will always hate it, because they've got some understandable sensitivity over the issue.
I never said I had all the answers.
Friday, 25 July 2008
I Like Corpse Paint and I Cannot Lie
In other news, Buck Angel, trans porn hero, says some darned stupid things in this interview.
Here we go:
Here, he doesn't like guys having fundraisers for their surgery:
"Buck worked two jobs to pay for his surgery, and the sense of pride that comes along with that achievement itself nicely complements the satisfaction of finally feeling comfortable in one’s own skin. “But a boob-cutting-off party?” he asks. “What the fuck is that?""
Oh Buck, you absolute fucking moron. Shall we look over the stats and find out what percentage of trans Americans can get jobs? Because of, y'know, the lack of employment legislation protecting gender identity?
Also, WHY do we (theoretically) get SRS on the NHS here? Because many transsexual people can't function without it - it's a medical necessity. If you're not those people, fine - but you could recognise their existence. So, the real issue is that there is no Health Service in many countries.
And that's disgusting, yes? We on the same page? If we're not, anybody, and you want to give me the "pulling-self-up-by-bootstraps" SHITE so commonly thrown out by Americans, who are MYSTERIOUSLY all white and able-bodied and have never been ill in their whole fucking lives?
Nope, let's not have a go at the system. Let's have a go at individuals with gender dysphoria and no money, because that's far more helpful.
Another gem:
“It just seems so female,” Buck says of the trend, "
Hooray! Let's... rip into trans people's identities! 'Cause we really need that. If a cis man threw a similar event, everyone with a brain would be all "Hooray! It's so nice that men are shedding their Neanderthal* stereotypes, helping one another and talking about their feelings! That's really good for their mental health."
But because they're trans, it's open season on their identities.
Buck reminds me of Jayne Cobb in the face - but when it happens personality-wise, that's less good.
Other trans people are more likely to understand that you're a man than anyone else, Buck - so don't throw out comments like that while trying to prove how MANLY and MASCULINE and VERY VERY MANLY you are to everyone else. We're actually your biggest allies, your fellow men with vaginas.
When some trans moron gives you trouble because he's got a surgical dick and you haven't, just berate him for being classist (and stop being classist yourself), mention all the other guys happy with what Nature gave them, and move on. Don't rip into the rest of us.
On a vaguely similar note, I wish there were more depictions of masculinity in movies. I don't find the clean-cut American clone version very attractive... Humans, please, not Ken dolls. Humans with wind-blown hair and beards and more than two facial expressions, and, and, Nordic battleaxes.
Yeah, last night I found SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER Harvey more interesting *after* half his face melted END SPOILER, that's how bored I am by that whole look.
*I don't intend to contribute to Homo Neanderthalensis' (not Homo Sapiens Neanderthalensis, FOOLS, incidentally) bad press. It's just the way people often put it.
Here we go:
Here, he doesn't like guys having fundraisers for their surgery:
"Buck worked two jobs to pay for his surgery, and the sense of pride that comes along with that achievement itself nicely complements the satisfaction of finally feeling comfortable in one’s own skin. “But a boob-cutting-off party?” he asks. “What the fuck is that?""
Oh Buck, you absolute fucking moron. Shall we look over the stats and find out what percentage of trans Americans can get jobs? Because of, y'know, the lack of employment legislation protecting gender identity?
Also, WHY do we (theoretically) get SRS on the NHS here? Because many transsexual people can't function without it - it's a medical necessity. If you're not those people, fine - but you could recognise their existence. So, the real issue is that there is no Health Service in many countries.
And that's disgusting, yes? We on the same page? If we're not, anybody, and you want to give me the "pulling-self-up-by-bootstraps" SHITE so commonly thrown out by Americans, who are MYSTERIOUSLY all white and able-bodied and have never been ill in their whole fucking lives?
Nope, let's not have a go at the system. Let's have a go at individuals with gender dysphoria and no money, because that's far more helpful.
Another gem:
“It just seems so female,” Buck says of the trend, "
Hooray! Let's... rip into trans people's identities! 'Cause we really need that. If a cis man threw a similar event, everyone with a brain would be all "Hooray! It's so nice that men are shedding their Neanderthal* stereotypes, helping one another and talking about their feelings! That's really good for their mental health."
But because they're trans, it's open season on their identities.
Buck reminds me of Jayne Cobb in the face - but when it happens personality-wise, that's less good.
Other trans people are more likely to understand that you're a man than anyone else, Buck - so don't throw out comments like that while trying to prove how MANLY and MASCULINE and VERY VERY MANLY you are to everyone else. We're actually your biggest allies, your fellow men with vaginas.
When some trans moron gives you trouble because he's got a surgical dick and you haven't, just berate him for being classist (and stop being classist yourself), mention all the other guys happy with what Nature gave them, and move on. Don't rip into the rest of us.
On a vaguely similar note, I wish there were more depictions of masculinity in movies. I don't find the clean-cut American clone version very attractive... Humans, please, not Ken dolls. Humans with wind-blown hair and beards and more than two facial expressions, and, and, Nordic battleaxes.
Yeah, last night I found SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER Harvey more interesting *after* half his face melted END SPOILER, that's how bored I am by that whole look.
*I don't intend to contribute to Homo Neanderthalensis' (not Homo Sapiens Neanderthalensis, FOOLS, incidentally) bad press. It's just the way people often put it.
Thursday, 24 July 2008
A Big Trans Post, from a small trans person
Yup, there's so much work coming in today. Look at all the typing I am doing. It must be work. Problem is, you leave the office unstaffed for an hour and you get two calls, viz:
1)"Hello, Spielberg here. I would like to give Actor Z this leading role. The fee will be five squillion dollars."
2)"Hello, Spielberg here. No-one has got back to me yet. Your agency is obviously not to be trusted. I have given the part to Brad Pitt."
So... I are the bored.
Apparently, the trans stuff on this here weblog could be "confusing". I've written real SRS BZNS* trans stuff? I thought I just wrote inane rubbish about dragons?
I'm sure I don't need to do a trans FAQ for morons, the ZOMG, transwomen aren't just men in dresses, really? kind. So, I'll assume that the reader is not mind-numbingly, wilfully stupid, shall I? Good.
Here are facts and links, then, in an almost entirely random order. They will probably be about trans guys, female genderqueers, etc. - trans women, etc. deserve a very long post of their own.
1) This confused me for ages, and I ended up offending some British trans people: "transgender" means different things in the US and the UK. In the US, it is generally used as an umbrella term that encompasses ALL trans people. In the UK, it doesn't encompass binary transsexual people - the people you mostly hear about when trans issues are discussed.
2) It is possible to be both transsexual and transgender - I've heard trans people of both types suggest that it's not. You can have a different brain sex to your physical sex, and a gender identity that does not fit within the norms of your culture. It's statistically unlikely, but hell, there are black lesbian one-legged Jews out there, and I bet they're fed up of the "unlikely member of society" jokes. You could be physically intersexed as well, as a matter of fact.
3) Queer trans guys are quite common. We are not girls. Otherwise, all queer non-trans guys would actually be girls, and the number of transsexual women would increase quite dramatically (yes, I know that all but the goons referred to above should be able to understand this - but... they don't).
This is mainly a sexual health booklet, but it's got pictures of gay trans guys being decidedly... gay. And having lots of fun, it seems. Probably NSFW... depends on where you work, I suppose.
4) Sexual and reproductive health is a Good Thing, while I think on - this is one of the few areas in which trans people need to be treated according to their anatomy, not their brain sex or gender. But, be tactful about it?
5) Not many trans guys have genital surgery. Some, like me, aren't bothered either way (or would sooner chew off their own arms than allow a SCALPEL near their GENITALS - I have sympathy with that view as well); some just don't want "Frankenstein's Cock" as one guy put it - the available surgery leaves many guys dissatisfied.
6) BINGO! For those not familiar with the meme, people have been creating internets bingo cards about "contentious" issues for a while - for example, one about race might talk about the *very friendly* social masochist that I so often mention. So, these are things NOT to say.
7) Raven Kaldera suggests here that you don't say "but you're so short!" to a trans guy. I concur.
8) I can't find the Questionable Content comic that coins** the word "boobsplosion" to describe the act of a trans guy unbinding his breasts. Anyone want to post a link?
9) Erm... half-naked trans guys? Not very diverse. They mainly look like... well, me, were I all testosteroned-up. They're rather more attractive, though.
10) There's a stereotype about trans guys taking Women's Studies courses, in the hope that they'll find their inner woman. They don't, but they emerge with the ability to spot sexism from a mile off. When you meet a trans guy who is SRSLY FEMINIST, like me, don't get confused if he looks male - there could be reasons for that greater understanding.
11) While anti-trans violence disproportionately effects trans women (and ethnic minorities - like all random violence, it's generally racist and sexist as well as whatever else) I have to link to the Remembering Our Dead list. There are plenty of trans men, female genderqueers, etc. on there. The threat of violence is a daily reality for many of us. If I lived in a different neighbourhood, had different family or "friends" or a different skin colour, it would be close to miraculous if I was around to write this. Which brings me neatly to:
12) Trans people are not exaggerating about their experiences of discrimination. Yes, some of them are unbelievable; yes, they seem like stories from some Third World dictatorship, not modern Western "civilisation". But, they are true. Of course, that applies to many more well-known types of discrimination, too.
I'm not sure why I numbered these. They were disparate thoughts in my head.
Don't you feel informed now? Or not? Any questions?
*ha, the abbreviation of "serious" reads like Sex Reassignment Surgery, which is a little bit genital-obsessed as a name, is't not?
**it's not a coinage, it's a blending. Very few words are true coinages. Thought you might like to know that***
***why, I have no idea.
1)"Hello, Spielberg here. I would like to give Actor Z this leading role. The fee will be five squillion dollars."
2)"Hello, Spielberg here. No-one has got back to me yet. Your agency is obviously not to be trusted. I have given the part to Brad Pitt."
So... I are the bored.
Apparently, the trans stuff on this here weblog could be "confusing". I've written real SRS BZNS* trans stuff? I thought I just wrote inane rubbish about dragons?
I'm sure I don't need to do a trans FAQ for morons, the ZOMG, transwomen aren't just men in dresses, really? kind. So, I'll assume that the reader is not mind-numbingly, wilfully stupid, shall I? Good.
Here are facts and links, then, in an almost entirely random order. They will probably be about trans guys, female genderqueers, etc. - trans women, etc. deserve a very long post of their own.
1) This confused me for ages, and I ended up offending some British trans people: "transgender" means different things in the US and the UK. In the US, it is generally used as an umbrella term that encompasses ALL trans people. In the UK, it doesn't encompass binary transsexual people - the people you mostly hear about when trans issues are discussed.
2) It is possible to be both transsexual and transgender - I've heard trans people of both types suggest that it's not. You can have a different brain sex to your physical sex, and a gender identity that does not fit within the norms of your culture. It's statistically unlikely, but hell, there are black lesbian one-legged Jews out there, and I bet they're fed up of the "unlikely member of society" jokes. You could be physically intersexed as well, as a matter of fact.
3) Queer trans guys are quite common. We are not girls. Otherwise, all queer non-trans guys would actually be girls, and the number of transsexual women would increase quite dramatically (yes, I know that all but the goons referred to above should be able to understand this - but... they don't).
This is mainly a sexual health booklet, but it's got pictures of gay trans guys being decidedly... gay. And having lots of fun, it seems. Probably NSFW... depends on where you work, I suppose.
4) Sexual and reproductive health is a Good Thing, while I think on - this is one of the few areas in which trans people need to be treated according to their anatomy, not their brain sex or gender. But, be tactful about it?
5) Not many trans guys have genital surgery. Some, like me, aren't bothered either way (or would sooner chew off their own arms than allow a SCALPEL near their GENITALS - I have sympathy with that view as well); some just don't want "Frankenstein's Cock" as one guy put it - the available surgery leaves many guys dissatisfied.
6) BINGO! For those not familiar with the meme, people have been creating internets bingo cards about "contentious" issues for a while - for example, one about race might talk about the *very friendly* social masochist that I so often mention. So, these are things NOT to say.
7) Raven Kaldera suggests here that you don't say "but you're so short!" to a trans guy. I concur.
8) I can't find the Questionable Content comic that coins** the word "boobsplosion" to describe the act of a trans guy unbinding his breasts. Anyone want to post a link?
9) Erm... half-naked trans guys? Not very diverse. They mainly look like... well, me, were I all testosteroned-up. They're rather more attractive, though.
10) There's a stereotype about trans guys taking Women's Studies courses, in the hope that they'll find their inner woman. They don't, but they emerge with the ability to spot sexism from a mile off. When you meet a trans guy who is SRSLY FEMINIST, like me, don't get confused if he looks male - there could be reasons for that greater understanding.
11) While anti-trans violence disproportionately effects trans women (and ethnic minorities - like all random violence, it's generally racist and sexist as well as whatever else) I have to link to the Remembering Our Dead list. There are plenty of trans men, female genderqueers, etc. on there. The threat of violence is a daily reality for many of us. If I lived in a different neighbourhood, had different family or "friends" or a different skin colour, it would be close to miraculous if I was around to write this. Which brings me neatly to:
12) Trans people are not exaggerating about their experiences of discrimination. Yes, some of them are unbelievable; yes, they seem like stories from some Third World dictatorship, not modern Western "civilisation". But, they are true. Of course, that applies to many more well-known types of discrimination, too.
I'm not sure why I numbered these. They were disparate thoughts in my head.
Don't you feel informed now? Or not? Any questions?
*ha, the abbreviation of "serious" reads like Sex Reassignment Surgery, which is a little bit genital-obsessed as a name, is't not?
**it's not a coinage, it's a blending. Very few words are true coinages. Thought you might like to know that***
***why, I have no idea.
Friday, 18 July 2008
Gee, Olly, calm down!
Yes! More passive-agressive blog posts that serve no useful purpose!
Edit: I has had apology. Now I feel embarrassed for being so upset. One really can't have everything...
So... my friend behaves like a complete arse, and ruins my day.
I get upset with him, and leave the building he is in, because ONE MORE SECOND of his presence and he will be seriously injured.
Later, he apologises to me - more a "I'm sorry you feel that way" apology than an "I'm sorry I behaved like that" one, but hell, that's all you ever get from him.
Because I'm aware that he will just *never understand* why his behaviour was upsetting, or even which part was upsetting, I decide to be polite, and I say something like "It's probably partially me, I haven't been feeling so good lately".
Throughout the next day, he makes "hilarious" comments about how irrational I am, and implying that he is the Great God of Magnanimity to forgive my existence.
Erm... NO, I was being NICE. I don't actually like upsetting him, so didn't want to say something like "So you should be! Your behaviour was absolutely terrible! I know the other guys are more relaxed about it than I am. This is because I am clinically depressed. I think I have hormonal problems because my brain knows that my body shouldn't be female. I think my friends should, incidentally, be supporting me when I'm very depressed. Also, I have more emotional investment in you behaving decently, because I am a closer friend than, say, that other guy over there, whom you just bewilder."
Also, he calls me *my old name* throughout the two days (everyone else now calls me "*my old name*ImeanOlli", which I don't mind*).
He then complains that we're not giving him a lift home! Which is eleven miles out of our way.
I've waited in vain for the grovelling apology for a week (Gareth just hasn't been waiting, because he spends less time on the metaphotical m00n than I do), so I'll show him this. If we don't get an apology then, I might keep his birthday present :-D
Now, feminists know about the fashionable C19th malady that was hysteria, yes? We know that the arguments of females can still be shattered with one well-placed "irrational" or "shrill". Women have no chance when that's coupled with their socialisation into hilariously polite individuals.
So... next time, I'm going to follow the other socialisation, the kind I'd have gone through had I not been trans. The guy kind.
I'll nut whoever it is in the face, because I reckon my skull's got to be more durable than the majority of noses. And I'll use the line "It's not me, it's you" a lot.
It can be a social experiment, if you like.
*apart from the Mr Bewildered, who has Stan Laurel hair and says "Gee, Olly," at every available opportunity, and some that aren't really opportunities at all.
Edit: I has had apology. Now I feel embarrassed for being so upset. One really can't have everything...
So... my friend behaves like a complete arse, and ruins my day.
I get upset with him, and leave the building he is in, because ONE MORE SECOND of his presence and he will be seriously injured.
Later, he apologises to me - more a "I'm sorry you feel that way" apology than an "I'm sorry I behaved like that" one, but hell, that's all you ever get from him.
Because I'm aware that he will just *never understand* why his behaviour was upsetting, or even which part was upsetting, I decide to be polite, and I say something like "It's probably partially me, I haven't been feeling so good lately".
Throughout the next day, he makes "hilarious" comments about how irrational I am, and implying that he is the Great God of Magnanimity to forgive my existence.
Erm... NO, I was being NICE. I don't actually like upsetting him, so didn't want to say something like "So you should be! Your behaviour was absolutely terrible! I know the other guys are more relaxed about it than I am. This is because I am clinically depressed. I think I have hormonal problems because my brain knows that my body shouldn't be female. I think my friends should, incidentally, be supporting me when I'm very depressed. Also, I have more emotional investment in you behaving decently, because I am a closer friend than, say, that other guy over there, whom you just bewilder."
Also, he calls me *my old name* throughout the two days (everyone else now calls me "*my old name*ImeanOlli", which I don't mind*).
He then complains that we're not giving him a lift home! Which is eleven miles out of our way.
I've waited in vain for the grovelling apology for a week (Gareth just hasn't been waiting, because he spends less time on the metaphotical m00n than I do), so I'll show him this. If we don't get an apology then, I might keep his birthday present :-D
Now, feminists know about the fashionable C19th malady that was hysteria, yes? We know that the arguments of females can still be shattered with one well-placed "irrational" or "shrill". Women have no chance when that's coupled with their socialisation into hilariously polite individuals.
So... next time, I'm going to follow the other socialisation, the kind I'd have gone through had I not been trans. The guy kind.
I'll nut whoever it is in the face, because I reckon my skull's got to be more durable than the majority of noses. And I'll use the line "It's not me, it's you" a lot.
It can be a social experiment, if you like.
*apart from the Mr Bewildered, who has Stan Laurel hair and says "Gee, Olly," at every available opportunity, and some that aren't really opportunities at all.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Doctors vs. Comedians
If the progesterone-only pill, or, indeed, the "progestrogen-only FISH, wheeeeeeee, I am a moron" (see novel below) did cause male-pattern hair growth, I'm sure I would have noticed.
I'd be giving my GP some bullshit excuse by now about how I *really really* needed it...
If, like me, you stick your fingers in your ears and go "LALALALALALALA" whenever some ill-educated hack mentions Thomas Beattie, meaning that your fingers and ears have actually fused by now, you'll be relieved by the following joke from Mock the Week:
"What would you say to him, if you were a doctor?"
"Well, I'd say "The good news is, you've had a baby. The bad news is, it's blown your cock off,"."
If a real doctor, one I already knew, said that to me, as a joke... I would probably laugh so much that I peed myself a little bit.
Am I an oddity?
I'd be giving my GP some bullshit excuse by now about how I *really really* needed it...
If, like me, you stick your fingers in your ears and go "LALALALALALALA" whenever some ill-educated hack mentions Thomas Beattie, meaning that your fingers and ears have actually fused by now, you'll be relieved by the following joke from Mock the Week:
"What would you say to him, if you were a doctor?"
"Well, I'd say "The good news is, you've had a baby. The bad news is, it's blown your cock off,"."
If a real doctor, one I already knew, said that to me, as a joke... I would probably laugh so much that I peed myself a little bit.
Am I an oddity?
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Wherein Olli is a hypocrite
Hokay, so - women who explain how you'll be SO GOOD TO YOURSELF and HAPPY and FULFILLED if only you think *just* like them...
Now, I know that the Powers that Be do that a lot, obviously, but it's somehow worse when given as friendly advice from people who should know better (supposedly feminist women).
Now, some could accuse me of hypocrisy - in the last year or so, I've told several women to leave partners/friends who were very obviously abusive. I haven't minced my words or abided by social niceties in any way.
Well, I might be a hypocrite, but I honestly don't care. There is a difference between women whose mental health is questionable owing to abuse, and women who are capable of making their own decisions. If you're the sort of "feminist" who doesn't agree, I will not start a dialogue with you, as *you* are deeply misogynistic.
So, Gareth and I are monoamorous, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Gareth's happy as he is, and I don't meet people as marriageable as him every day of the week. Or ever (if they were roaming the streets in dozens, we'd happily navigate a poly relationship).
Sexually, however, it's less clear-cut. If one of us wants sexual contact with someone, we have to gain both the consent of that person and our partner. If we don't get the consent of that partner, the other person must be immediately forgotten.
If I would feel jealous, I would say no. If Gareth would feel jealous, he would say no. If either of us didn't abide by a "no", we would be cheaters, the vilest of people.
If you think that you would sleep with EVERYONE IN THE WORLD in that kind of relationship, because it's AWESOME, you might be wrong... Our conquests each are seriously well in the lower half of single digits.
Because we don't fancy that many people.
And not many people fancy us.
And we both have lower than average libidos.
And we're both on the autism spectrum, so are unskilled in the art of seduction...
And we feel jealousy sometimes, like normal humans often do.
Now, we have rows and upsets. But they have never, ever been about anything to do with extramarital attraction, because we have the aforementioned arrangement, like, y'know, mature adults.
Why am I telling the world this? Because I don't want people to see me flirting with another human and think I'm cheating scum.
Because of not being cheating scum and all.
Also, I don't really like secrets - they resemble non-white lies too much.
On to this conversation, in which I have tried to break the arrangement gently to several people, all of whom have been women who are proud of being strong feminists who know their own minds:
"I wouldn't mind if Gareth slept with somebody else, as long as I'd consented beforehand,"
"Yes, you would. You would be hurt."
Well, as long as I know my own mind in this *purely hypothetical* situation that is, of course, *purely hypothetical* and has not been tested in practise in any way.
It always seems to be under a "we're all women here! And men are BASTARDS who will TAKE ADVANTAGE of you, ALWAYS, ALL MEN, ALL THE TIME, and you are an innocent little flower who couldn't possibly FIND THE IDEA ATTRACTIVE SOMETIMES because that would be like AROUSAL, and we're ACTUALLY IN EIGHTEEN-FIFTY-EIGHT" subtext.
And no, it's not different for me because I don't ID as a woman, and "gay men can do that sort of thing". Many women are consensually nonmonogamous! Many women are polyamorous! They are real women, not crazy loons who live solely in the imaginations of straight men.
Of course, females in poly relationships must have this nonsense much worse, and it must hurt worse because they're actually in love with their other partners. It's pure virgin-whore dichotomy patriarchal nonsense - and, of course, pure SEX! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVAR! I WILL OBSESS OVER IT 4 U! disguised as "Honestly, these people are sex-obsessed".
Because we've *never* seen that attitude in sexism... homophobia... transphobia... everything that's bad.
On to happier subjects - we played D&D today, and had many encounters of the random (draconic) kind. And lots of food and good coffee. I need to do something nice for the people who made us all the food and coffee.
Now, I know that the Powers that Be do that a lot, obviously, but it's somehow worse when given as friendly advice from people who should know better (supposedly feminist women).
Now, some could accuse me of hypocrisy - in the last year or so, I've told several women to leave partners/friends who were very obviously abusive. I haven't minced my words or abided by social niceties in any way.
Well, I might be a hypocrite, but I honestly don't care. There is a difference between women whose mental health is questionable owing to abuse, and women who are capable of making their own decisions. If you're the sort of "feminist" who doesn't agree, I will not start a dialogue with you, as *you* are deeply misogynistic.
So, Gareth and I are monoamorous, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Gareth's happy as he is, and I don't meet people as marriageable as him every day of the week. Or ever (if they were roaming the streets in dozens, we'd happily navigate a poly relationship).
Sexually, however, it's less clear-cut. If one of us wants sexual contact with someone, we have to gain both the consent of that person and our partner. If we don't get the consent of that partner, the other person must be immediately forgotten.
If I would feel jealous, I would say no. If Gareth would feel jealous, he would say no. If either of us didn't abide by a "no", we would be cheaters, the vilest of people.
If you think that you would sleep with EVERYONE IN THE WORLD in that kind of relationship, because it's AWESOME, you might be wrong... Our conquests each are seriously well in the lower half of single digits.
Because we don't fancy that many people.
And not many people fancy us.
And we both have lower than average libidos.
And we're both on the autism spectrum, so are unskilled in the art of seduction...
And we feel jealousy sometimes, like normal humans often do.
Now, we have rows and upsets. But they have never, ever been about anything to do with extramarital attraction, because we have the aforementioned arrangement, like, y'know, mature adults.
Why am I telling the world this? Because I don't want people to see me flirting with another human and think I'm cheating scum.
Because of not being cheating scum and all.
Also, I don't really like secrets - they resemble non-white lies too much.
On to this conversation, in which I have tried to break the arrangement gently to several people, all of whom have been women who are proud of being strong feminists who know their own minds:
"I wouldn't mind if Gareth slept with somebody else, as long as I'd consented beforehand,"
"Yes, you would. You would be hurt."
Well, as long as I know my own mind in this *purely hypothetical* situation that is, of course, *purely hypothetical* and has not been tested in practise in any way.
It always seems to be under a "we're all women here! And men are BASTARDS who will TAKE ADVANTAGE of you, ALWAYS, ALL MEN, ALL THE TIME, and you are an innocent little flower who couldn't possibly FIND THE IDEA ATTRACTIVE SOMETIMES because that would be like AROUSAL, and we're ACTUALLY IN EIGHTEEN-FIFTY-EIGHT" subtext.
And no, it's not different for me because I don't ID as a woman, and "gay men can do that sort of thing". Many women are consensually nonmonogamous! Many women are polyamorous! They are real women, not crazy loons who live solely in the imaginations of straight men.
Of course, females in poly relationships must have this nonsense much worse, and it must hurt worse because they're actually in love with their other partners. It's pure virgin-whore dichotomy patriarchal nonsense - and, of course, pure SEX! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVAR! I WILL OBSESS OVER IT 4 U! disguised as "Honestly, these people are sex-obsessed".
Because we've *never* seen that attitude in sexism... homophobia... transphobia... everything that's bad.
On to happier subjects - we played D&D today, and had many encounters of the random (draconic) kind. And lots of food and good coffee. I need to do something nice for the people who made us all the food and coffee.
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Yerwhat?
If someone on a low income owns a car, is it likely to be a) a new car, or b) an old car?
Can someone on a low income a) buy a new car at will, or does ze b) have to keep the car ze has?
So... how EXACTLY is the new road tax not just money with menaces?
"Either do something you are unable to do, or give us the cash. You there! Yes, you on 10k. You obviously have a lot of money to spare, during this recession."
OK then, Chelsea tractors. Will someone on a high income, when given the choice between doing what ze likes and paying a few hundred pounds a) stop doing what ze likes, or b) pay a few hundred pounds?
Oh well! When all the working- and lower middle- classes have given up and gone on the dole, we'll get other people's money given to us in nice little parcels, to buy exactly what the government thinks is good for us. Isn't that life-affirming?
Before I explode:
Gareth points out that only this song can be guaranteed to depress both kinds of binary transsexual person...
(curiously, not me - if I am FtM rather than FtX, the initialism must be reconsidered as Failed to Mature... lulz penis)
Can someone on a low income a) buy a new car at will, or does ze b) have to keep the car ze has?
So... how EXACTLY is the new road tax not just money with menaces?
"Either do something you are unable to do, or give us the cash. You there! Yes, you on 10k. You obviously have a lot of money to spare, during this recession."
OK then, Chelsea tractors. Will someone on a high income, when given the choice between doing what ze likes and paying a few hundred pounds a) stop doing what ze likes, or b) pay a few hundred pounds?
Oh well! When all the working- and lower middle- classes have given up and gone on the dole, we'll get other people's money given to us in nice little parcels, to buy exactly what the government thinks is good for us. Isn't that life-affirming?
Before I explode:
Gareth points out that only this song can be guaranteed to depress both kinds of binary transsexual person...
(curiously, not me - if I am FtM rather than FtX, the initialism must be reconsidered as Failed to Mature... lulz penis)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
