Friday, 10 October 2008

I became a geek...

So that I wouldn't have to talk to people. I could talk to dragons and things instead. In my head.

But what's the most common geek pastime nowadays? Online multiplayer RPGs.

So you have to talk to fucking THOUSANDS of people! A normal person's social life actually involves fewer of 'em.

I'm off to drink alcohol! in a place of revelry! with fellow humans! then.

Edit - oh yes, people at university are fairly accommodating of my autistic self. Someone who knows about our stance on extra-marital shenanigans, and about my communication difficulties, came up to me yesterday and just said "I would like to have sex with you."

Good! I understand that! If you'd flirted with me for hours, I just would have stared at you like an anthropologist witnessing a tribal ritual that ze finds utterly foreign, then I'd have wandered off.

"Now?" I asked, because the statement wasn't specific enough.

"Not now, because I'm busy, but at some point in the next few months."

Ladies, gentlemen and genderqueers, we have conversation with no subtext, no hidden agenda and no idioms! Yes, I know I'm Mister Subtext and Idioms when the communication is written, my Literature A-Level marks attest to that... but I need a bit of time to figure them out in speech. By "a bit of time" I mean "two solid minutes to sit with my mouth open in a foolish way".

I know that my pathetic tally of sexual conquests could be because I'm ugly as fuck, but there is this aspect as well - I have only slept with people who gave a statement exactly like the one above.

And, of course, most of the people willing to be that blunt are random creepy drunk men covered in vomit stains, or similar, who, y'know, I've turned down. Apparently, nice people don't tend to be so direct.

I mean, I've ignored lines like "Shall we have sex?" because... well, how should I know? I'm just getting this "theory of mind" thing, so I've only just understood that your thoughts aren't the same as mine... and now you want me to read them?

Anyway, I met another person last night, who also seemed to speak without any of the peculiarities that make up normal conversation. When something bad was mentioned, he said "Oh dear," in a heartfelt way. At every "Oh dear," Hagrid and I simultaneously thought "We love you. We damn well hope you're gay, because we want you to have our babies and live with us forever".

More insights into the world of autism, that eeevil disease that eats away YOUR CHILD leaving an EMPTY SHELL, no, wait, it doesn't.

Final edit (info from Lisa Harney) - Apparently Stonewall (you know, that charity supporting rich white cisgendered gay men, yes?) is honouring Julie FUCKING Bindel. Yup, that Julie Bindel. Not a different Julie Bindel, who isn't a crazed raving fucking bigot, but the more well-known one... who is.

I'm going to write a piece for the Mail that says "Well, the Pakis and the spastics should all be shot, but the gays... they're lovely!" and see if I get honoured too.

5 comments:

Gareth said...

Can't spend too long commenting, I've just found someone who will give my Paladin 40 points worth of lessons in Devotion. After which I will probably be guarding the shrine from attack by the Mhaladorians...

What?!

Lisa Harney said...

Too true on the MMORPGS! I got into computer games so I could game away from other people...and then I find myself in a raid with 24 other people for hours at a time. WTF? :) Fun, though.

Also, there've been times when I could seriously identify with what you said about people approaching you for sex. I really suck at reading subtext when it's aimed at me.

Sarah said...

Did I ever explicitly ask...? I don't remember. >_<

Oliver A. FP said...

Sarah: Nope - other people told me to have sex with you! Which is why I kept confusedly checking that you consented - because the explicit command came from other people!

The social world is a confusing place. I do as I'm told, generally... and because the people doing the telling are generally my friends, the results are generally good. :-D

Oh - when you two come up at the weekend, you are going to see, and appropriately react to, the light of our lives that is Wendy. No arguments.

(EEEEEEEEEEEEE! is the appropriate reaction).

Freda Livery said...

Quick question for you - sorry, may have posted this entirely inappropriately, but...

My son has Autism and he doesn't seem to get any (or much) pain relief from local anaethetic injections. Would you happen to know, either from experience, or from asking other people you know who have autism (& related conditions) whether this is normal? I'm sure I've read it somewhere, but can't re0find my source.

Hope you can help.

Freda.Livery@live.co.uk
(pls email, since I'll probably never be able to refind your blog again - sorry)