We won't inherit the Earth, whatever my bumper sticker said. The Earth is full of twats.

Battybattybats' writings on the fabulousness that is the Goth subculture makes me want to write an elegy for my other much-maligned cultural family - that of the geek.

However, I'm feeling snarky, rather than poetic - or, indeed, elegiac (?). So, I'm going to start by aggressively debunking the main myth that is associated with geeks/nerds/whatevers - as suggested in this week's copy of our student rag, Vision.

Apparently, our freakish hobbies and interests exist only to soothe our troubled souls - troubled, because we simply don't get laid enough.

That latter part might, indeed, be the case - until our sample geek reaches 18 and leaves high school!

After that, ze gets laid ABSOLUTELY ALL THE TIME. If ze so wishes - a fairly large proportion of us are on the asexuality spectrum somewhere - meaning, O Vision writer, that they're not trying.

Oh yes - and in my sample of geeks, i.e. those at my university, threesomes/foursomes/etc. seem to be more common than average.

We rarely get laid out of our tribe, yes - but the thought of sleeping with the average person generally leaves us cold. Bear with me, said Vision writer, and say we're in a parallel universe in which every "normal" student suddenly WANTS US BADLY. Let's try it with both sexes -

Male Student: Let's have sexual intercourse (yes, I realise that non-geeks are less direct, but I can't replicate what they actually do).
Geek: OK, but we'd better have at least half a conversation first. What do you think of (insert obscure film/book/mathematical equation)?
Male Student: I am amazing. Listen to my immense sense of entitlement and vastly inflated sense of self-worth. I like football.
(In the unlikely event that Geek is still horny, ze wanders off and masturbates).

Female Student: Let's have sexual intercourse (see disclaimer above).
Geek: OK, but we'd better have at least half a conversation first. What do you think of (insert obscure film/book/mathematical equation)?
Female Student: I am amazing. Listen to my immense sense of entitlement and vastly inflated sense of self-worth. I like shoes.
(In the unlikely event that Geek is still horny, ze wanders off and masturbates).

Sorry about the binary examples, there - but most of the genderqueers I've met are fellow geeks. Heck, "geek" is a gender.

Incidentally, we also build more lasting relationships. Take a look at the average online forum dedicated to Dungeons & Dragons, MUDs, Terry Pratchett, whatever (No, someone is not a geek just because they play bloody World of Warcraft. They might simply be emulating the worst aspects of the subculture).

Anyway, you'll see so much evidence of marriages, civil partnerships, and every other kind of committed relationship.

I'm an autistic geek, so I am one of those few that do have problems getting laid (see my last post but one). But even I've managed it a respectable few times, and I'm in a great relationship.

I believe it's fitting to end with a Discworld quote.

Vision writer, and all your ilk; I think you have something wrong with your head.

I think it's stuck up your bum.

(I know I've let the side down by not finding the exact quote, but tough.)