Thursday, 24 July 2008

Journeys - and a solution to all the world's problems

I'm a bit on edge at the moment. This is because I'm trying to reconcile one of my greatest loves and one of my greatest hatreds.

This isn't going to be a particularly profound post. My love is for music festivals, my loathing for travelling. To get to Wacken Open Air next week, we have to travel on several different modes of transport - and if we miss the plane, or it's cancelled, we miss the festival.

I HATE travelling. By car, around the UK, it's fun, as there are very few surprises (well, there's the price of petrol I suppose, with which one can familiarise oneself if one needs a heart attack).

I HATE the uncertainty. I would love it if all public transport came at the allocated time and left at the allocated time - if nothing was ever, ever late or cancelled. My thoughts would be of future frolics at my destination, and I'd have time to read a few books.

Remember in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - specifically, the passage in which the protagonist has to have timetables made for every minute of every day, so he doesn't panic? That was one of the best descriptions in there.

Actually, I've said before that I can't cope with untruthful statements, unless I understand their value as a story or as a white lie. "8.30" on a bus timetable is NOT a white lie, if the bus comes at 8.52. It's an ordinary, stinkin' lie.

I'm impressively good at hiding my OCD and autism - until I have to go on a journey.

"Panic" isn't the word, because neurotypical people have panic attacks. The feeling is, physically, (according to people who've had heart attacks) exactly like a heart attack, but with a kind of mental freeze - it's impossible to think, and to speak in logical sentences.

Again, as depicted in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, some goon always tries to cuddle me or put a calming arm around my shoulders at that point. Those people are lucky that I'm not particularly strong.

Take this as a health and safety tip - don't try it.

I've actually forgotten what this post was supposed to be about.
I'll just concentrate on how head-asplodingly awesome some of the bands are.

Or I suppose I could talk about the Great Nightwish Controversy. Now, Nightwish wrote *our song* so don't worry, this is written with plenty of metallic emotional investment.

Yes, I realise we are both more butch than the song, but "Beer Beer" just *cannot* fill the same slot in one's life.

I saw the new Nightwish line-up in April. The couple I was with think that Annette Olson EATS RAW BABIES AND SUCKS DONKEY COCK (not that the two acts are comparable, the characters in Clerks II seemed to appreciate the latter).

I agree that she's a sub-standard singer, considering the quality of the other female metal vocalists about, and I'm assuming she aced the auditions because she's shagging one of the other band members.

And I'm glad I saw Nightwish's last performance with Tarja Turunen.

However, the vocals didn't depress me as much as they *angered* the other two (a note to some guys in the crowd - yes, these ladies are attractive Goth lesbians, no, they wouldn't be any use in your sex life if, indeed, you had one, please take your ungentlemanly remarks elsewhere).

This is because I think that Nightwish should be a karaoke opportunity! The rest of the band should come on and play, while everyone in the crowd strives for those high notes. If the vocals aren't (anything like) as good as Turunen's - try and sing over them.

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